Every song has its own story...listen to mine

Du ba du Be dubiety..

2011-04-14T08:06:00.000-07:00

Darn! its been ages since the last post was up . Sadly , this is going to be short and pretty uncertain, as its obvious with the heading already.

I think its all back to square one... where this little blog page is going to be my very dear friend again.

to start it off.. remember Joseph Vincent from my previous posts, AGES ago... ?!?
well, he is climbing up the indie youtube one man band scene already! :)

Maroon 5 , my most favourite band is coming to perform, with tickets priced sky rocketing high, and I have no proper company to follow either.

Easter break is next week though ... lets see what that brings in ...

Here you go ,
HoorahJencer aka Joseph Vincent!

Baby, the song goes out to you , btw..

Sweet... ... . .. ...!

2010-07-13T04:08:00.000-07:00

Because someone really LOVEs this...

and it is beginning to settle into my head too...

and

the tune is just so cun!

hehe

for you.

Where it began, I can't begin to know when
But then I know it's growing strong
Oh, wasn't the spring, whooo
And spring became the summer
Who'd believe you'd come along

Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would

And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two, oh
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulder
How can I hurt when holding you

Oh, one, touching one, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
Oh I've been inclined to believe it never would

Ohhh, sweet Caroline, good times never seem so good...

well, the text Caroline should be replaced by something else ( ;

here is a clip of one of the many versions of this Neil Diamond piece, instrumental.... :

(and to you....thank you for making me actually know this song )

One More Week!

2010-06-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

at least one more item on my "what to do after STPM ! " list can be struck out!
I have worked for a week now...finally this lazy girl collected enough courage to let her legs ache, back pain, hands go dry and even her eyes tear!

Is it self praise if one says " I am not THAAAAT lazy anymore?"

~~Haha. At least I finally got one paid job done!~~

Girl Guide Assoc of Malaysia's very much awaited Friendship Trail would have started a few minutes ago and tomorrow, we shall welcome the people from the south with our usual greetings, and a long list of uber fun games at our HQ.

PERAK welcomes all FTs !

Lucky us this year, this event will be the 2nd WAGGGS centenary project by Malaysia.
Please read the other blog for news on the first day (that will be posted by late evening today!).

http://ggamcentenarycelebration.blogspot.com/

I hope all will go well, and the common cold that many of us have caught will not be a distraction to any of the activities we have packed!
[ Probably should suggest to my KPC to have hot chicken soup for tea tomorrow! ]

Back to the "me being lazy " topic....
YES I CAN pat my own shoulder and say, KUDOS! ....other than me working on a paid job (with rm 13 for tip in 3 days), within the last one week, I have at least blogged THRICE!
---what progress since 2007----
wooohoo!!!

Now, to the topic of today's post...

ONE MORE WEEK!

yeap! the long , dreadful wait I have been going through for over 7 months ... (technically 18 months...)

may finally come to its end...

= )

what I am afraid would be> where to from there on? : /

Would it be another post SPM event, where I thought so many things will occur automatically right after my exams in 2007...
made no plans... only hoped...but had been utterly disappointed, and the result, my stat right now... : l

I only can keep my fingers crossed, can't I ? Because, so far , I have done all that I can , and anything more would just be me not respecting a fellow being's power of free will! : (

How long will it take for me to convince?

How much longer to say, its the safest risk?

I stopped proving myself and impressing anybody, for a matter of fact, for quite some time now...

...in relation to that....

did I mention before about my music player and I having some sort of connection...
cause while typing this last bit...
Lady Antebellum's "Love This Pain" started playing ....
the words went by something like this:

It's like I love this pain a little too much

Love my heart all busted up

Something 'bout ~~her~~ , him, we just don't work

But I can't walk away

It's like I love this pain

It's just an on again

And off again situation

It's just striking a match

A tank of gas combination

But here I am again lighting it up

Knowing that she'll just burn me

In a weeks time, dear, continue bringing out the best in me.

I finally found you.

So I keep holding on tight.

When the ground stops shaking , I know

I've got a good thing.

You made me laugh when I wanted to cry.

This would last I know...

You gotta know!

Well, one week will end very quickly, as usual...

and I would still be unable to walk away.

I love this pain, and I know why.

signing off post with Matchbox Twenty's 3 AM

; )

My Arm hurts!!!!

2010-06-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

Kneading, rolling and tossing 10.0 g doughs HURT!

especially if they are over 50 of them within 5 hours of work! CONTINUOUSLY!

I got home all fine... a little tired though... checked my mail, chatted with some people online and watched 2 episodes of Chuck (Shaw Brandon Ruth is introduced and he is super cool ---he looks like Tom Cruise ... but way taller and hawter ..He was Superman, remember ?....aaahhhhh...he's the hot n' cool kinda character you love on tv...hehe )

~~http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brandon_Routh~~

All of a sudden my index and thumb started twitching... and I started feeling a shooting pain in my hand...

I applied some LMS, and went to sleep... about 4 am! OUCCCHHHHHhhh ! my whole forearm started hurting...

Went over to parents room to get a pain killer ....but mum woke up... checked it... gave me a heating pad....

Didn't take the med though (her no no policy for painkillers for small things)

I thought all will be fine...but i woke up again a few hours later....and disturbed my mum again (sigh...sorry, mma)

Well...self diagnosis (hahahaa ) --- I have sore muscles! and maybe a few overstrained nerves!

Refer below :

-abductor policis extensor muscles

-median nerve

-and the bicep muscle!

ouch!

i've got work in an hour again! START a fire!

~~I need to return to TKD classes... WEAK arms! ish~~

Ta - Daaa!

2010-06-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

FINALLY!

it took me over 24 hours to just move from the laptop to the desktop pc....

to reconfigure my blog page!

well, nothing much really. its still looks as boring as ever... even worse maybe...

plain white template...

added my favourite perky colours here and there

I found one pretty template from: www.hongkiat.com/blog/50-most-beautiful-blogger-templates/

Apparently, it nearly caused more errors to the page when I tried editing it via html encryption...

Too lazy to renovate the page (again...) , so , let us not go there for now .

More to that, I decided to allow pictures be blogged onto this account too!

so it wouldn't be at picasa only...

unfortunately (or maybe very fortunately), it will only be pictures of random places and faces

One will still need my pass code to access my picasa web blog

After three or so years... I am proud of myself to have

finally have done something to this ...err...

byte page of mine..

It still will NOT serve as a daily journal....

maybe just more as an updater for now...

I hope to blog more often though

~bk~

S&R of Evenstar is under construction!

2010-06-01T00:46:00.000-07:00

Dear readers....

sorry for the inconvenience...my page is pretty messed up now(all thanks to one wrong button)

Will do the necessary "renovation" asap...

~peace out~

The orphan destined to be Prince....

2010-06-01T00:17:00.000-07:00

It is the strangest way to get inspired, that is through a movie you underestimated!
I know I've been saying it again and again that I will start blogging more frequently... but never actually kept to that word, till last night...

Yesterday was a catch up date with my bff ms lolo and we decided (thanks to somebody else's smart suggestion.... to watch the movie spinned off a game : Prince of Persia- The Sands of Time...
Personally, it is the movie of the year for now!
The plot, the actors, the production and the graphics---- AWESOME with a capital all .

A summer movie that you must watch is this...

*WARNING* -Spoiler Alert-

Kudos Disney! [yea...its a disney's joint production with and it looks like they have finally decided slowly cut off from their mainstream Disney movies]

Yet, they still manage to leave that typical Disney imprint in our hearts...where one would long that such a story was reality...
he looks great
a poor but handsome, witty and brave young boy would become the Prince to a kingdom so mighty , the kingdom of Persia...
Jake Gyllenhaal played the role very very well... acting simply runs too deep and strong in his veins... Dustan (the character he plays) was portrayed cheeky, smart, courageous and most importantly-righteous.... probably
this made most fans < girls especially > long and want to see such courage and magic happen in front of their own eyes...

Sadly though, Sir Ben Kingsley gave it away from the very beginning that he was the real antagonist ....
so I didn't find it much of a suspense there...

The theme of brotherly love and trust is quite a relive to the movie world as we've been exposed for too long in the past decade or so on how evil and merciless things get when it concerns family too...

In simple words... this movie was like fresh air to movie-holics like me.
Unxpectedly refreshing!

In addition to that, it has inspired me to write again! ( =

Favourite quote :

Tamina: That's impossible.

Prince Dastan: Difficult, not impossible

this post is dedicated to all my friends and followers who insisted I blog again...thank you!

Ranking is almost nothing...if your mailing system is way below average...

2010-04-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

Here it is... a mail posted in Oct 2009 ...but only reached to me, FIVE MONTHS later... after the dateline...

Ranking of university : #2 in the world!
Efficiency of mailing a simple document: 0.8 in a scale of 0 to 10.0...by me

Disappointments....
and
frustrations....
we all go through it...

I just hope another wide-eyed dream of another is not burnt into ashes as how mine was..

To the university(college) refered....please pay you postage fee as needed...

~somebody who finally realised it isnt that big a deal to be at a so called prestigious uni~

Look what i found!!!

2010-04-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

While clearing up my desktop and its Word documents... I found this old essay where I have written with the highest spirit of hypocrisy .

Upper Six life and its dwellings..

I miss it very very much...

this goes out to my dear MUET teacher , Ms S and all my 6AE buddies , especially the " 8+1 lazy bums"

(myself, joan, jenny,jien,jia, jian, wengks, sara,kit)

and also to everybody else who "LOVES" homework...

and thought it was "IMPORTANT" !

17 January 2010

Why Passing Up your Homework In time Is Important?

Being late for class, missing weeks of MUET lessons, and procrastinating, has finally taken a toll on me. My dear English teacher practically blew up today as she caught me red handed trying to rush with my beloved Steadler blue pen to finish up three paragraphs of an essay that was due today. And as a punishment, I have this 500 plus word essay to complete before midnight[I need some sleep, please].

While my Maths textbook is glaring at me and my Biology notebook is complaining, I have to speed up and put my fingers into an Olympic race in finishing this essay as soon as possible. Yes, the effects of piling up your homework. Rush. Rush. Rush.

And in the end, when all the work is eventually done, they do not seem to be at my best. Point number two! Well, when I miss classes and get stupidly involved in other activities, I tend to miss the lessons taught, and while trying to catch up with the lesson, I practically leave out some of the homework. And right now, the number of Math sums piled up is reaching to an amount of 200; number of unwritten article comments are for Puan Susila to find out(I’ve done most of it I think). By trying to reduce the workload, everything is done quickly and promptly and with least creative effort or neatness. Hence, when I do not pass up my homework in time, my work tends to be sloppy and of the lowest quality.

Another humungous disadvantage of not passing up your homework in time is that it creates a high level of stress in me, my friends and my teachers too. When homework is not done, right from its due time till whenever I actually pass it up, I will have this worry that will start building tension in me: “I haven’t finished my work!”, “I’m doomed! Teacher is going to kill me!”, “I’m going to get sent out????!!!!”, and few other stressful thoughts reigning through my little head.

While this happens, my teacher would most probably get angry. That is short for saying that the whole mood for the following lesson would be spoilt. Sad to say that my single mistake of not finishing up my homework in time will be the cause of the change in colour tone, from pink to red ,of my teacher’s face. Consequently, my classmates would get involved in my “wrongdoing” as we share the same environment of learning. Thus, their lessons are temporarily disrupted simply because of me. What guilt to bare!

Being unable to finish your homework eventually leads to the fact that you will be unable to keep up with your lessons. This is mainly referring to the science subjects. And if you are doing Form 6, I was warned time after time that should be the last thing you should do. In Form 6, the teachers are like bullet trains. Effective but super fast lessons. If you miss one, it is almost equivalent to missing 15 pages of small print A4 size notes. However, it will not be that big a deal if you actually finish the homework as they are concise for the lessons. So, miss a lesson, you can still work it out with your homework, but if one misses their lesson and homework and get involved in tedious and unnecessary activities, I have made a theory that one is actually digging one’s grave and attempting to decorate it with fake and temporary jewels.

Finishing most of your homework is extremely important. It is so vital till I am stomped on why I did not to finish it then itself, and why I should right away take my Math book and start finishing every bit of the sums I have?

Homework is important. And finishing it in time is as vital as it is itself. Do not procrastinate. Procrastination is deadly. I shall make the best out of my homework despite the fact that it is really hard to keep up to my word. I am trying my best though.

Long live the spirit of finishing homework!

the comment my dear teacher gave after she marked this "essay" was :

"GREAT AWAKENING! "

-_-''

IPOH & FoOD .... two words next to each other in our dictionaries!

2010-04-08T02:30:00.000-07:00

http://www.j2kfm.com/ultimate-ipoh-food-list/

Goodbye My Teenager years

2010-01-04T07:07:00.000-08:00

This might be the shortest blog of mine, ever.
for the most exciting, adventurous and interesting part of my life...
I'm still legally 19 today.
Tomorrow holds much more ... :)
therefore, ladies and gentlemen.... I bit my teenage years goodbye... but I hope to remain as young at heart, always!
:D

ADioZ

13- life turning
14- Grew Up a lot
15- New Beginnings
16- Test of endurance
17- saw others Grow up...
18- fell in love and ventured deep into everything else
19- got knocked down(the hardest)....came around...and got back up...

Its me again.... to go through it all.. the storm, the volcanoe, the meteor shower...anything at all... I AM ALL OUT TO STRIVE ON! :)

~viva la vida~

Breath

2009-09-02T04:46:00.000-07:00

Breath... ask anybody around me often, and they will know, that is my favourite word.

There are so many songs with this title, but the newest I found, by Taylor Swift, reminds me of a little tragedy that came about my life almost exactly 3 months ago...

Sorry, I can't write much today, so it will just be a
simple C & P (copy and paste)

Breathe

By Taylor Swift

Capo 1
C G F C G F

C                   G                F

I see your face in my mind as I drive away

C                        G             F

Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

C                        G                  F

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

C                    G                F

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

C   G   F

Mmm mmm mm

C   G   F

Mmm mmm mmm

C                            G             F

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie

C                              G            F

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see

C                G             F

Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down

C                   G               F

Now I don't know what to be without you around

F                      C

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break

Am

No one here to save me

F                      C                       G

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

F  C   G

I can’t breathe without you

Am

But I have to

F  C    G

Breathe without you

Am              F C G

But I have to

C                       G            F

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt

C                       G               F

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve

C                        G                F

But people are people and sometimes it doesn't work out

C                      G                F

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

F                      C

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break

Am

No one here to save me

F                       C                      G

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

F  C    G

I can't breathe without you

Am

But I have to

F   C    G

Breathe without you

Am             F C G Am F C G

But I have to

Am

It's two a.m.

Feelin' like I just lost a friend

C              G

Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me

Am

It's two a.m.

Feelin' like I just lost a friend

C              G

Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

F                      C

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break

Am                    F C G

No one here to save me oh

F  C    G

I can't breathe without you

Am

But I have to

F  C    G

Breathe without you

Am

But I have to

F  C    G

Breathe without you

Am

But I have to

F         C

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

G          Am

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

F         C

I'm sorry, I'm sorry

G          F

I'm sorry



Dear readers, and fellow musicians... for the full tabs:

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/tabs/t/taylor_swift/breathe_tab.htm

but it is in the key of G # minor .   :)

Raindrops Keep falling On my Head....

2009-08-28T08:26:00.001-07:00

Raindrops keep falling on my head
And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothing seems to fit
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

Yea, almost anyone of us would have heard this magnificient piece by B.Bacharach...one of my all time favourite composers. I love his songs.
but the way Billy Joe Thomas sings it, I could just dance in the rain with it.
like how I did this morning
:)
From a distant...
a sparkle...
a shine
a tranquil drop ...
it first feels cold over my skin
and then it becomes warm...
reminds you of the days of 5 and 6
where the world was a splendour
and carefree
the gentle
calm
soft drop
of rain

They say, the weather affects your mood.
What if I told you, maybe your mood affects the weather instead.
Hence you make what your surrounding is.

It certainly does. NEWTON's 3Rd Law... Your emotions results into some force that produces some action... hence, there is a reaction to it... but in this case, it is not Equal and opposite...

Especially for those with one of those strong auras around them,
able to change moods of others,
make others smile
or even cry.

I love the rain...
always have
Ironic though, my nickname at school is Sunshine...
but i love the morning rays of sun too...
but not as much as the soft, gentle raindrops on my window...

I love this next part of the song too:

But there's one thing I know The blues they send to meet me, won't defeat me It wont be long till happiness steps up to greet me

For many, rain is a nuisance ... but it depends how we make use of the challenges in our lives...
.
If a storm that builds up from excessive rain;the element I myself love so much,
but induces pain and anguish...
something that may be troublesome

worrisome

tiresome..

but if we keep our heads held up high...
and walk through the storm...
and reach the brighter side
happiness steps up.

Its the spirit of wanting to make a change and the courage to do so...
may it be
for something you love
or someone you care
or just for the plain passion in life.

Raindrops keep falling on my head
But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red
Cryings not for me
Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining
Because I'm free
Nothings worrying me. ;)

I am free...
have always been free
and will always be

As long as I Breath.
as long as I can See
Hear, Taste
and most importantly....
FEEL..
I'll let my heart flutter free
for all the world is a
wonder.

And I hope to keep making everyone around me
feel the same...

It has been raining almost daily since Tuesday.
I like it.
Although my mum and maids complain that nothing is drying up.
I hope I have enough clean clothes ;)

Angels from above... and the Heavenly bodies... Thank you.

~peace out~
aletha kavindra

The Next Day

2009-08-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

well, Yesterday was over... still the same.
:)

I like it this way. and hope it stays. If I sound awfully vague, I am sorry I cannot elaborate further....
its a secret.
and secrets are meant to be kept hidden...

By the way, a good sign of revelation an Old Friend of mine came across...
http://keespy.blogspot.com/2009/08/attraction.html

Everyday is a new beginning... we just learn from the past and look up for the future...

Live-life-Love...
my way.

What is up tomorrow?

2009-08-26T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hey hey!
The Prefectorial Board AGM was held last Friday, and that is it. Official obligations as a student leader is over... and I am going to be soooooo restless now on!

Back to square 7!

But the official handover ain't done yet , though... I hope the "little ones" learn fast!
:)

I remember this familiar scenario almost 2 years ago... the same time I had too much time and ended falling in love... it was an experience.
Falling in and out of that game , is not really my field to play, I seem to be bad at it. So my second husband... STPM here I come! Wedding on 19th November 2009... wish me luck.

anyway, today feels too good to be true, so as usual, I doubt this "euphoria" will last till tomorrow.
STPM trials staring next Tuesday too!
MeRDeka eh?
hahaha

Good luck fellow upper Sixers... and happy marking to our poor teachers too!
we'll get you all some coffee sachets too...

(back to studying 9 yet to cover Physics chapters)

<3 my family <3 my besties <3 my school <3Human Kind

It Does Not Have to End Like this...

2009-08-03T03:49:00.000-07:00

I cannot bear it anymore...
its been 2 months ... and it seems almost like forever.
Not being able to speak, see, smile, walk or even sleep like how I always did , is killing me.
and you know why.... because of you.

I can't be entirely sure if you even read my blogs anymore. I could have easily sent you an email an explain all of it again... but , this is the best way right now...

Yes, you didn't want that kinda relationship with me. Eventually, I too grew out of that idea.
BUT, boy... YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND!!!
and however dysfunctional we have seemed in the last few months, life just seems empty without you right now.

only two songs keep playing in my head, and I wonder if its the same for you ...
cause, life does suck without you....

Don't leave just like that....
we did have a lot of fun...
its the tears and joy that brought us closer ...........

I am missing you, my dearest friend on Earth.

I lost a Friend...

2009-07-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

Today, the 29th of July 2009,
happens to be the birthday of 2 close friends....but sadly, about 11 hours ago, my baby brother, my friends, my schoolmates,the Eagles of ACS .... and I , lost a very dear person.

Tevindiran.....

Boy... YOU RAWKED !
you were one of those becons of joy and humour at times when many of us could not even think of the simplest jokes in PR hours.

I first knew you as a close to my lil' bro... and then when I joined the Prefects last year, you were there to look out for me from all those big bullies...

Exactly a year ago, we were grouped into the same LTC group--Da Draculas...
I remember, it took us- D, Swa, Thin, you and even I to come up with a plan for our Nostalgia Night sketch.
Eventually, Tev, you came up with your very own remake and improvisation of Dracula itself....
it was an experience playing the Dracula's wife and "turining you into a vampire''

The cheers we shouted under the "bunian" tree... the 80 year old ceilings that dropped near the Chem Lab and even the exhaution that we all went through together during the 48 hour "torture" during LTC on the 27-29th August last year....

It was FUN!

then we became the seniors and the leaders for the Board.
Yet, you were there to put a smile on my sad face at certain days... and make me laugh my guts out with the jokes I claimed were "lame"... but I laughed, didn't I....

Remember on the 5th of July, at my house this year... you have always been a very important friend of my brother and a good one too...it was hillarious seeing you "pole dance" on the birthday boy aka. my bro...I even dropped of the sofa.

Although we were not so close friends, I knew you as a person rich with creativity and had one of a kind of an imagination! you loved writing and came up with the strangest ideas.

Before our Canteen Day, i remember tasting your Honey Chicken Burger. most of us seriously thought you will make real good money selling them nightly... Was planning to suggest it for your post-SPM months.

Now its too late to say that, isn't it ? =(

I also remember some where this February, you came asking me for advise, on your 13 SPM subjects....LOL...
and also the fact that the school was strictly prohibitted you from taking them. hahaha....the funny part was that, you were so determined to go on your own will , hence you decided not to sit for your Mid Year's Exam ...
You were bold!

and I said, I got your back, tevin....
I was worried, actually...

During the December Holz... I am soooo sorry for ignoring you at times ...

Now that you are gone... nothing I say can take back for the times I nagged at you, nor the times i raised my voice towards you... certainly not even the time , that is just 3 days ago, when I was upset with you and the geng for what you all did that evening. I was trying to be the big sister, after all, it was my duty as Grandma of the Board.
This Grandma...never really like your Girlfriend, Ms Bike.... :(

but I'm quite glad, that on Sunday morning , we were cool...
Gosh, I still don't belive that I cannot hear another piece of joke nor tease you back ...

Dude,
LTC 09 was incredible! and you were a big part of it...

and the happy moments we shared,not just as a whole big Board of prefects , but as a big happy family, will always , and i mean it, will ALWAYS... be cherished and remembered.

It still hasn't sunk in to me that you are really gone... , but a huge part of me, says that you moved many of our worlds...

you would have been a best-seller writer, probably even the next Chaplin. haha.

I heard you wrote a book.... I am already booking for it...

Rest In Peace , tev.........

~kavitha~

.... the ACS Prefects and our fellow ACSIANS....:

WE WILL MISS YOU!

Time Flies when you think The clock Will Stop

2009-07-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

There are so many posts that I have been dying to write up for the last 4 weeks, but for some weird reason, I just seem to get stuck to my FB or busy researching stuffs for my upcoming projects every time I sign in.

Well lets see...
MUET is over, next is IELTS on the 8 th, which will also be the GBP farewell at school. sigh... why do I always end up skipping GBP's fun events!
MUET wasn't that good a news for me, a little disappointed, probably I deserve it for not really making good use of the practice exercises we were given.
But, our GBP EXCO term is nearly over ... :)
but I will certainly miss working with our "Mother-of-all-ACS-mothers", in some way or another.
I must thank her a lot too, for being very supportive of this lone ranger from TCS in the foreign world of ACS .

Handover for the Scouts Div II will be done somewhere next week, and so will for the super water club of ours, which will be after the Swimming Gala this week.
Haih... swimming gala, I don't think I will be able to swim for more than 2 events this year...
PS competition in KL is on the day after the interschool relay event :( (pstt to all OLDHAM, TAGORE STILL RULES!)

SIKES!

And guess what, LTC too....
3D2N of MEMORABLE 52 hours for our darling Probationers... (PROVE YOURSELVES worthy ,if you are reading this)

So after 27th July, is it full swing with maximum torque and power and consistency for my current "love affair" ? (pls do not get confused)

Did I mention, that he-that-should-not-be-named is quite out of my way... I certainly do not have any sort of affections for him, not such that I have had for the past 2 years or so.
He was a good friend...a very close associate to my heart too... I will cherish those precious memories we had together. What ever it is I will remain his friend. There to support him. The difference now is that,my support will not be as conditionless as those old days back, it will be like that of yours .... haha*...
I will only be in deed to him when he asks me to... which I bet, he will never(anybody daring to take my bet, and prove me wrong, I'll belanja you one roti canai and teh tarik).

It is very much a relief too... I don't need to look out or go that extra mile for him... and it is easily reserved for all my loved ones who truly ,undoubtly and deeply care and love me .
Oh yea, I have maybe an extra minute a day for myself too ;)

New love will come again, I know...
It was never like we even had a relationship....surprisingly, we never did (and that really bewilders me )
To come to think of it, it wouldn't have lasted too... it is not because there's just too much too see and too much to learn about the rest of the world... It is mainly because, we were not really that right for each other, two very stubborn people put together where, one is wise, educated and too busy , while the other supposedly just the other way around(which was so totally false and self proclaiming), nothing could have ever worked... well we all have our own right to our own perspectives in life too... but let me remind you, it only is true if you stick to it!
after all,he was never that into me either, what can this poor girl offer right ? *eyes rollfrom left-up-right, shakes head with a loud sigh!*

Friendships grow, and the path of them growing can be through a puddle of mud, tripping into a ditch , slipping down the cliff , running through pastures of marygolds, flying through a rainbow or maybe even dancing in the clouds.... it is all a matter of growing and learning from the best and the worst of its times....the end result.... nah, it doesn't really matter I guess, to some people that is ....

Anyway, I am confident to say, most of my friendships have grown, true faces known, defects noticed, weaknesses realised, appreciation of each others' strengths and downfalls, cherishing the best in life and thanking God for diversity. Yet, keeping bonds strong and making the best out of every moment in it.
Referring to Alanis's song.... I think this transition is over...

Thank you, he-who-should-not-be-named, for reminding me something that I nearly had forgotten, expect the worst in something but hope and have faith for the best.... and FYI , dear readers, I don't think they neutralise each other..... FAITH IS ALWAYS STRONGER!

So, with hope in my heart and prayer in my mind, the rest of the year will be K OK!
Prefects, Girl Guiding, Swimming, ACSIANS, 6AE ans, Juniors, Probs, Best friends, crushes, ex crushes, "ex best friend(to so so )", my aldehydes and ketones, the PS speech , STPM, trials IELTS, my applications, my family, my doggies, and the three babies of mine, the birds that destroy my car,SND my love, my TKD and everything in my life and all those around me... I WISH US ALL THE BEST ! and carpe Diem!

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

~Robert Frost~

Which tunnel? The one behind, the one with the silver door, the one with golden gates or the calestial,star-decored arched entry????

2009-05-20T04:59:00.001-07:00

"Never underestimate what you are about to do or what you are to face."

That is something that has slowly slipped of my mind lately.
GOSH
Second day of Upper Six Mid Year exams was today. AND IT WAS A BOMB!First time have I ever equated it to such a term, no, a bomb is quite an understatement, it was like "little boy" that hit Hiroshima. CHEMISTRY--my favourite subject, I thought I would make a career out of it too.
Maybe I have to admit , I didn't really prepare well for it--for STPM standards that is :' (

My head aches terribly, too(for quite a number of days already--not the normal migraine or sinusitis throbing) and I really shouldn't be staring at my desktop's screen and writing all this. Haha,what the heck with do's and don't s for today.

About a week ago, I had finally decided to pursue the "path much taken" --- MEDiCINE!
The old ambition. The old dream. The days of taking my mum's stethoscope and playing with my dad's stilt lamp.Its amusing to look at my "younger" self that always wanted to become a doctor. For a person who practically grew up in hospitals and clinics, baby sat by nurses,it is not queer to see such an outcome as a desire for a future.

There was even a time, I think I was 12, that I told the whole world " I want to be a pediatric ophthalmologist!"
So naive of me....because, nowadays I look at people who are overly ambitious in becoming neurosurgeons and physicians, and I tell myself ---Go get your MD or MBBS first!

Then, something turned it all around.... I was 15 and I got my hands on Dan Brown's Angels and Demons(i have a bad feeling the movie will not be as good as the book...), and "ta-dah", a sudden inspiration in becoming a phycisist. And all I saw myself was accelerating particles to almost light speeds....changing the world.

Hey, it was not just an impulse though. I had researched it well, contacted renowned scientists and this forum really helped www.physicsforums.com. The people there were really kind and gave really good advise. Made many good friends too.

So, I had or maybe still have a dream, a dream to create the "greenest" , renewable, free, abundant energy.... haha, sounds more ideal than any sci fi fiction.... but imagine, if we have this free, green gigantic amount of energy , will it not solve most of the world's problems....

Then, "earthly worlds" came into the picture too.. from a very young age, I was always fascinated by the stars and the cosmic.... so I had another fork on the road, if its physics till phD.... where to? material sciences? astrophysics? molecular physics????!
...
but...{yea, my favourite word -_- }the question was still:
~Phycisist or
~Physician????

the confusion has been going on since Form 4. Thank God I made up my mind in what Pre u programme I should do way before its due time of decision(STPM aka HSC Malaysia it became).

But I'm still at the biggest junction of my life:
-MEDCINE
or
-PHYSICS Major->Phd

And last Tuesday, I told everyone , it am to save lives...
I initially implied Medicine as my career to be... but then again... I'm having my millionth thought on it now!

Creating free energy and minimising energy loss or maybe even creating machines to travel in the speed of ligt could answer a lot of questions in humanity...and eventually save lives???

Watched History Channel's Universe series yesterday.... haha...Physics and I are like two old lovers "unattended" yet unforgettable to each other, where your heart just thrives for it again (wei, not like I know how that really feels....)
I was really thrilled watching that episode, on light as the speed limit to the universe {being exhausted from PA 2 paper and MATHS T paper 2 ,I knock off towards the last quarter of the show}

And once again, Physics as part of my future was back into the question. Sigh.{NOT AGAIN!!!!!}

I seriously do not know whether I should leave the rest of my life to a flip or a coin(heads for physics and tails for medcine)
but then there is this strong belief I have that follow your heart even when it is against all odds... and like wat Confucius once said :
"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

Both are fields slightly in parallel , and both are something I really want to do.
Unfortunately, it is not like a double degree of Maths and physics or music and physics or even law and physics[all possible prospects of what I want and "can" be]... becoming a doctor is like doing 3 degrees at once, that much of commitment and hard work, it can't involve the rest of science as it has too much of it already.
The only reason I disregarded in becoming a researcher/lecturer/professor in physics was because, I could not really picture myself only sitting in a lab, sipping coffee while marking papers or collecting the data from computers and super machines as a life routine...

My peers, family and friends and "comrades" certainly know I am not the kind that stands still!...
Where is my heart telling me to go?

Perhaps someday, I'll treat you for ailment(hopefully not a chronic one or never need to treat u at all) . or
maybe, one day your grandchild will read of my discovery and curse me for coming up with such a theory and all those twisting forumalae.
But I will never know till then.

"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. "
~ Henry Miller~

The Flu

2009-05-11T04:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not the average blog to write a journal type... honestly, sometimes I find a total waste of time and effort(seemingly, very few people actually read all of it).
I'm sitting here, staring bankly at the speakers of the PC , stupidly expecting a favourite song of mine to play at random.
Exams are on next week, and well, I AM BLOGGING!!!!!
Yikes... its mainly because I have come up with this terrible allergy reaction and am barely able to do anything else(very unlike my usual reactions)
It is cold yet it is terribly hot... guess I have fallen sick after sooooo long .

That then reminds me, I still have my unwritten speech for the World Young Women's Forum.... ARGH!
more frustrations right?
I started of quarter of the speech but there is just too much to write for a 6 minute speech.
Darn !

Other than my dear oral trainer at school, well, there is not much support otherwise.

Talking about support.....my best friend is "uncomfortable" with us texting almost daily... OI! we have been doing it for almost forever!!?! It is not my fault he hasn't been studying nor is he even near being prepared for his exams. I lost track of the countless number of times that I have actually nagged him on and on about him studying and that don't procrastinate and all that crap.
Yea, crap...
because, to tell you the truth ... procrastinating has become quite a part of my life lately as well....

Frustrations, well, they have always been there, and I am proud to tell you that I do keep my distance from it. It happens to be a bad friend... and I don't like keeping bad friends ;)

Haha... talking about bad friends.... my dear closiez and so called BFFS..... where on earth are you all?
Let me be frank, I am tired of being the first one to call or email or even find out if you all are down.... Surprisingly it is , I'm at home in the place we all grew up and there is no courtesey of any sort for you to let me know?!?!
I have given up... if you want to maintain a friendship, please do it so as well... it works two ways you know... everything does..
Its too exhausting for only one person to keep tabs at all times. Despite the fact that I may be a little busy when you are back, well, i will and so would any one else, appreciate a short call or a sweet message from you,or maybe a surprise drop by at my place.Its courteousy !

And, finally to courteousy.... like what I mentioned on the first of this year... what on earth is people with impersonal messages in wishing for a special occasion or so. Yesterday was Mother's day... If you want to wish a mother, call them larr! Or send a kind,sweet , NON FORWARDING NON SEND-TO-MANY text message. Must mobile phones and tele-communication ethiques become something thought in the school too!?!?!?!

Anyway, I don't believe in the 2nd Sundays of May being mother's day... its meant to be everyday... I think its plainly another commercial event for Memory Lane and giant corps to rander money out of our gradually shrinking pockets!
(I rather make my o0wn gifts and cards...call me stingy or anything, but my loved ones who get it , actually love it!)

So in the end, our actions are shown from what is in our hearts...

[i'm wheezing already now... off to sleep again i guess... and its not even 8 pm]
sigh.

These words I've put into digital ones and zeroes, may just be the flu speaking(an effective excuse eh?)
or probably something that has been too long buried at the bottom of my heart and mind....

More words soon( forseeing a few more frustrations) ;)

Hey, don't go thinking that I am a sadist type or just emo, I'll post any exciting, interesting and HAPPY goss or stories and experiences ASAP!

Simple Together

2009-05-05T04:39:00.000-07:00

a piece that I found really meaningful and I think Alanis has really put in deep emotions into the simplest of words.
Thank you, Alanis Morissette.

Simple Together

D A D (A)
You've been my golden best friend
D A G (A)
Now with post-demise at hand

Can't go to you for consolation

`Cause we're off limits during this transition

G A
This grief overwhelms me
G A
It burns in my stomach
D Bm A
And I can't stop bumping into things

D G
I thought we'd be simple together

I thought we'd be happy together

Thought we'd be limitless together
D
I thought we'd be precious together
A
But I was sadly mistaken

D A D (A)
You've been my soulmate and then some
D A G (A)
I remembered you the moment I met you

With you I knew god's face was handsome

With you I suffered an expansion

G A
This loss is numbing me
G A
It pierces my chest
D Bm A
And I can't stop dropping everything

D G
I thought we'd be sexy together

Thought we'd be evolving together

I thought we'd have children together

I thought we'd be family together

But I was sadly mistaken

G A D G
If I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared

If I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented

If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air

My wealth would render this no less severe

D G
I thought we'd be genius together

I thought we'd be healing together

I thought we'd be growing together

Thought we'd be adventurous together
A
But I was sadly mistaken

D G
Thought we'd be exploring together

Thought we'd be inspired together

I thought we'd be flying together

Thought we'd be on fire together
A
But I was sadly mistaken

Not Knowing Me

2009-05-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

This is a story of a girl who enjoys getting herself into challenges, boggle her mind and impart risks as her middle name.
It has been five years since she first felt this way.
And three years since it had made her little heart ache.

In continuation to my previous blog(the undone one), I have found this very meaningful poem by an anonymous person.
It makes a lot of sense, and its to those who think they actually know the meaning of it, well, darn, think again!

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your ideas, your dreams,
before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the
greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The people who risk nothing, do nothing,
have nothing, are nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes they are slaves;
they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.

From you I have learned; i have known how painful failure can really be.At least in the end of the day, I can always tell myself that I somewhat tried to make it better. Some what tried to make it happen, despite for the number of weeks that I felt as if the world was about to come to an end. Or the fact that before this, there was once I thought I had every splendour at the tips of my fingers. You made me realise, something that I had for a long time forgotten, that you can't always get what you want. And that makes you appreciate for all the wonderful things in life.

I spilled my deepest thoughts to you. Shared my philosophies in life , presented my best ... but I realised I actually stopped trying to impress you anymore. I've been absolutely myself around you. Perhaps , we remain best of pals for now.

Live to the utmost best for all the challenges we are to face. I'll be here for you, always,as I know you to will be around to catch me if I fall. This relationship we have, has its own uniqueness that only you and I will ever understand.
Thank you for being there for me .

No, it doesn't end here, I have one tiny doubt that haunts me in my sleep.It is that if you really need me ? And do you actually know the face of this girl you call your best friend.... We have our own secrets, the fewest that we have not shared. And the stories you have told me , the pain you have shared with me, and the encouragement I have always tried my best to give to you.... Do you not sense that most of the time, I feel like you do not really appreciate it....and there are times, when a cloud of emotion hits me, revealing that perhaps you do not really know me.

I take risks, my dearest friend, I have always...
Taken the roughest roads and made the most difficult choices.
Climbed many mountains and swam across seas.
Most of the time, they were my choices...solely mine,
and I did very frequently choose the path that was less travelled. But for you to have said those words the other day, I thought to myself , "Does he really understand me the best?".... I missed that old friend I had in you, who gave it all, didn't mind its consequences and actually had a great time together.

Once again, I make a choice,instead of the one that many people would make to look for another. I choose to take the one that was grassy and wanted wear.

Therefore, im really free.
Irony is all part of life.

The zest in takings called risks.

2009-04-03T02:34:00.001-07:00

the Constituition we swear upon.

2009-02-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

How far does freedom of speech allow us to actually break out of this concrete shell??

Article 10

Main article: Article 10 of the Constitution of Malaysia

Article 10 (1) guarantees the freedom of speech, the right to assemble peacefully and the right to form associations to every Malaysian citizen. However, Parliament may by law impose restrictions on these rights in the interest of the security of the Federation, friendly relations with other countries, public order, morality; and restrictions designed to protect the privileges of Parliament, to provide against contempt of court, defamation, or incitement to any offence.

Article 10 is a key provision of Part II of the Constitution, and has been regarded as "of paramount importance" by the judicial community in Malaysia. However, it has been argued that the rights of Part II, in particular Article 10, "have been so heavily qualified by other parts of the Constitution, for example, Part XI in relation to special and emergency powers, and the permanent state of emergency that has existed since 1969, that much of [the Constitution's] high principles are lost."[5]

Article 10 (4) states that Parliament may pass law prohibiting the questioning of any matter, right, status, position, privilege, sovereignty or prerogative established or protected by the provisions of Part III, article 152, 153 or 181 of the constitution.

Several acts of law regulate the freedoms granted by Article 10, such as the Official Secrets Act, which makes it a crime to disseminate information classified as an official secret.

The Sedition Act 1948 makes it an offence to engage in acts with a "seditious tendency", including but not limited to the spoken word and publications; conviction may result in a sentence of a fine up to RM5,000, three years in jail, or both.

The Public Order (Preservation) Ordinance 1958 allows the Police to declare certain areas "restricted", and to regulate processions or meetings of five persons or more. The maximum sentence for the violation of a restricted area order is imprisonment of 10 years and whipping.[6]

Other laws curtailing the freedoms of Article 10 are the Police Act 1967, which criminalises the gathering of three or more people in a public place without a licence, and the Printing Presses and Publications Act 1984, which grants the Home Affairs Minister "absolute discretion" in the granting and revoking of publishing permits, and also makes it a criminal offense to possess a printing press without a licence.[7]

The Sedition Act in particular has been widely commented upon by jurists for the bounds it places on freedom of speech. Justice Raja Azlan Shah (later the Yang di-Pertuan Agong) once said:

“ The right to free speech ceases at the point where it comes within the mischief of the Sedition Act.[8]

[well, we love being special, and this is such special freedom of speech...that it nearly contradicts the soul of a human right!!!]

COME HOME

2009-02-21T03:16:00.000-08:00

Wrote this over a year ago.... Actually I wanted it copyrighted or something first. But, well.... here it goes
[for you SND]

COME HOME –aletha Kavindra-

Sitting by the seaside

Cadd7

Waiting for you

Facing the blue sky

Cadd7

Where are you ?

G Cadd7

I know you’ll come home soon

But this absence of you

Dsus4/F#

Is killing me.

Looking for the white star

Cadd7

That we’d gaze and see

Em7 Dsus4

together

Wishing upon a shooting star

Cm7

So I don’t have to be

Dsus4 Em7

Here without you

Sweet love come home

Cadd7

I need you right now

Em7 Dsus4

The most

Your arms to hold me up

Em7 Dsus4

from this wretched storm

Your words to keep my

Head up high

Your dear smile

I need so much when cry

Please don’t make me sing this song

again

Sweet love come home

First Day of School for the Very last time

2009-01-05T02:54:00.000-08:00

5th of January 2009.....definitely a very memorable day in school.

After a long November08 and a very short holiday in December, January 4th came too soon. I slept after 1am every night almost for a month and woke up late, typical...and the plan was, sleep by eleven on 4th Jan. Hah!
Calls after calls came in ...messages ringing in. I felt bad to switch off the phone either, so i muted it....but the mild anxiousness was nearly eating me. Finally i think i slept around 1 am again....on the 5th of Jan.

Yeap my birthday.

Arrived at school at 6.50 am, and went to unlock the PR, but weng kit was there already, and he did it a 2 seconds before i got to the door. I entered, and smiled at all my favourite faces in school.... wishes came in,one after another for their beloved LHP .... i was touched that almost all the 64 of them knew what a special day it was for me....

Unfortunately, duty calls. After a short breifing from my boss, Alex the HP, i left to the assembly grounds. Set up the place for assmebly with the help of the dear form 5 prefects. Then i went to check the flags and the flag poles,haha...the ropes were missing... GREAT!
so from 710 till 723 am i was hunting all over the school for any rope from the store or something.... (thank u karthik, zhi hui n daryl for helping me treasure hunting...)
Imagine, first day of school, and we couldn't raise the national and school flag. SIGH

Then, as done umpteenth times before, I started the year's first assmebly. :)
FOR ONCE>>>> everyone was really silent...

And so the day went on...
offence line.
chassed off the latest genration of rowdies from the canteen along with saravanan, rebecca and farah...
normal assembly post mortem with the deputies, jybeh, weng kit and PQ
and not forgetting.... with mr alex, my BOSS!

had MUET, CHEM , MATH...and PA!!!!!!!
was called out of class a few times[when can they not..]

Classes were fine..my class, got the biggest classroom and the most haunted classroom withing the whole ACS grounds...

School ended late though....because PA was our last period...and i guess AE is gonna be going late every Monday.

Waited in the PR for my lil bro...he came out late...around 150pm
but i joined D, wengz, muntz and yoon keat for lunch.
and tarik harga there a bit... lol... poor weng kit took it seriously. sorry lorr... but thank you for caring.... appreciate you trying to butter me up !
heehehheh

and finally, i got home about 210 pm....
and left for Maths TTN right after that...and got stuck in that "migrain-giving" jam.
sigh.....

the day was great anyway....
thanks my darling prefects for the cheerz
thank u 6AE for the Song...

love ya all!
~da LHP who gave stern commands to a groundful of people on the her birthday~

2009!

2009-01-01T03:11:00.003-08:00

Well, look how fast time flew. For some weird reason, 2008 felt really short. My mum said its because I'm getting older...literally, I AM GETTING OLD! Today we start a new year. For some, a new venture. For many, more days ahead. and maybe, just maybe, a second chance for something.

I had 43 Text messages wishing me, unfortunately, only about 5 were really personal ones. I made the decison to reply each and everyone of them(i hope i dint miss anyone)with something from "me". LOL.

A few have replied to this reply. But people, what happened to the personal touch anyway? I mean, just choose a forwarding and "SEND TO MANY"? OKOK i shall not be a fuss sport, cause i still am very grateful for all those nice words(i get more on New Years Day then on my Birthday...which is in 4 Days time xD )

2009...what is out for me in this year... the most prominent item of the year would be, STPM!
My high school cert examinations... and , proudly(or maybe sadly) it is the 2nd toughest EXAM IN THE WORLD. well , I give the honours to all my friends, family and blog followers, to remind me of that!!! I want those 5 As.

Next, I wanna be single and free for 2009. Yeap.... go a little wild too. :)

well... I hope the global economic crisis will reside ASAP.
Hope it rains a little less from 4 to 8 in the evenings in Ipoh.
Wish the poor kids all over the world get food and education and shelter.
And mostly, hope everybody keeps believing and having hope in whatever goodness the world has to offer.

I may not be blogging much often anymore either(its obvious from the gradual decrease in activity in blogger and.......my XANGA is "poof", gone....)
But friends, catch me in facebook... it will always be nice to hear from anyone, once in awhile...

Happy 2009, everybody!

yours truly,
b~A~k

the Dance of Gods

2008-12-01T03:16:00.000-08:00

Life has its ways

Of making us see things beyond itself

As the hands moves

The eyes follow

And where the eyes chase

The mind pursues

what the mind sees

The abhinaya is provoked

Hence

The rasa is born

To a realm

Of life

And immortality

In his ancient art of

Bharathanatyam...

Aum Namasivaya

Right Through

2008-05-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

Its been long since I wrote my blogs...Writer's block I guess.
Well, today, its not gonna be any poem or "philosophical" views....it just going to be one of those from the bottom of the heart ones.

What do you do when you are deceived?

Spilled so much of your thoughts and feelings to someone to just find out, you were heading no where?

Told things to the wrong person?

Mislead to a wrong impression of somebody trying to be something else....?

I just have to write it here....no where else or no one else would understand.
Let me just make it a reminder to myself, go slow, trust you heart, follow your instincts....they know you best, just like how you answer those MCQ questions.

I'll continue another day....

Threshold

2008-04-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

Threshold,a ball, a gown, a prince,
life's little hold on me;
dreams born,taking me out of misery,
but this is much bigger a drudgery,
beware, be strong,
it might just be a fantasy,
for how real it could have been,
or how beautiful all of it mean,
it was just a fairy-tale,
doomed to reign,
in a vulnerable heart,
in a lost soul,
losing whats hope in the hunt for false hope...

Little by little, she is swept away,
into those dreams,where
its difficult to say
what is real,
not accepted here or anywhere,
why should she be in this too-real-a-world,
for that little fairy-tale simply
makes her a darn happy girl.

Look,
look at her,
look at me,
this misery of loneliness,
being away.........

That last glance they had,
the first kiss they shared,
Are now , mere memories,

Of a pierced heart,
a broken soul,

All she loves is him,
the angel with that
bright smile,
which gave her courage,
his warm touch,
that comforts all pain,
and those eyes....
with so much loving grace.

~aletha kavindra~

This one's for you.....

2007-10-08T22:01:00.000-07:00

It is October already, and the worlds biggest exam for me now, is so close that if i just strech my little finger, poof.... its here!

I kind of realise that not many people actually read my "shadowz and rainbowz", but nevermind, I feel good for just spilling some things here.

Not a single comment since i started this blog(sholud have stuck to my old one).

but, let me dedicate this one, one that is slightly more special than the others, to my love.

for he will always truly and deeply remain in my heart.....
in my dreams....whoever...wherever ...you arrreee
to my dearest man from the heavens above
Well this is my first public address to you. I woke up yesterday to the song "truly, madly,deeply"....and dazzed of at 12pm after a very very long day to my ever favourite song "everything".
Did my E.Lit studying with "only hope" and darling,
you certainly drve me "high".

Dear, how nice if i could say , they were and still are our songs!?!!?
Being so far away from you has surely made my heart stronger, but made every other part of me limbs weaker? Everyday, I miss you even more. And I do wonder, if it will ever be us again, although "us" said it will , once you are done accomplishing your dreams. Were I not part of it? If you ever stumble upon this, and realise how much you really mean to me, and my every dreams, please let me know if I still mean that much to you.

I am not sure how much you need me already!

So dearest angel, above all the best things that have ever happened to me, and always under all the drudgery I've been through,you've surely been one of the drives in me that keep me going, I'm here always.

dreaming away as evening star...........

taKe a LoOk aRounD

2007-08-25T09:06:00.000-07:00

"Does anybody really know the secret
And the combination for this life and where they keep it
Its kinda sad when you don't know the meaning"

familiar....?

all MI fans and limp bizkit fans would!

yes................the theme song...

and guess what
it does make a lot of sense don't you think so.

maybe for an emo kid (a lot)
haha[I am not saying that im the emo .. . . .]

but you know what inspires me to start writing blogs and journals and stuffz around!?

well.... all those around me
and lately, my friends have caused a great impact on them.

Ok credit also goes to my family, but nothing new to learn from there(maybe a little but not much)

They have inspired me(some of them), some have disgusted me while most of them have made me partly who I am today.

My definition of a friend is really thorough.
This year I clearly made a revelation in my tiny head on the similarities of a friend and an acquaintance.
A friend is an acquaintance, but not the other way around. And this brings to another relationship equation you see, a friend can be a trusted best friend but not the other way around(at least in my life,

haha

and the best "function" of relationships,

best friends can be lovers but not best friends must be lovers

neither is it that lovers not equal to best friends..........

GET ME?!?!!?

hahaha

psyched "mathematician " in the making!

heheheh

well

here goes to all of you ,

my acquaintances, friends, best friends and lovers(lol --with an "s" ) and even the stranger in the park the other day..............................

Good luck in all your relationships.....................

MAy GoD blEss us aLL!!!

:)

2007-08-05T03:25:00.000-07:00

Iru Vizhi Unadhu - Chords

G..................
Iru vizhi unadhu
G.....................
Imaikalum unadhu
G............................
Kanavugal mattum
D................ G...
Enadhey enadhu
G................. Em ....C ...............D...
Naatkal neeluthey, ne yengo ponadhum
G............... Em...... C ...............D...
Yean dhandanai, nan ingey vazhvadhum
Am.......... G ....Am.......... G....
Orey nyabagam, orey nayabagam

Repeat......
D.... Am..C........... D..
O ho ho! Orey nyabagam
D ....Am..C ..............D..
O ho ho! Undhan nyabagam
Em............... C ..................Am............ C.....
Kadhal kayam nerum podhu thookam ingu edhu?
D.............. G ....Am.................. G...
Orey nyabagam, orey (orey) nyabagam.

thanks to fellow blogspot blogger:P Shenbaga Murugan

once in autumn in the 30th of february

2007-08-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

On a valentines day
Hearts call
Beautiful as thou may,
Roses do fall

In between
the truth and the words that I want to say

In between
the only thing that stands in our way
the words that only perch in my lips,
but take flight
oh so easily.

In between
thy eyes and the truth that wrap me
till I breath no more.

You took my heart away,
along with my secrets and regrets,
for the words that I wanted to hear were just
everything that I’d want to
tear with eyes filled
not with pride but
with heart filled cherish.

Those words in between of me and you,
will never cease to exist,
for they are deep in my heart, my volition.

Thou don’t want to reach for me do you…
I mean nothing to you
Now I won’t be mistaken
because all that I ever wanted is for someone
to look for me too,

how deep my heart may long
I still will wait for you till the autumn of february the 30th …

~alethaKavindra~

Beware of me during MY bad days!

2007-06-17T04:59:00.000-07:00

You Are 33% Misanthropic

You're a little misanthropic - but who isn't? Your reactions to other people are pretty normal.
You enjoy being friendly with people you encounter, but if you're having a rough day, watch out!

How Misanthropic Are You?

Psyche

2007-06-17T04:57:00.000-07:00

You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight.
You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder.
Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily.
Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!

What Goddess Are You?

ABOUT ME

2007-06-17T03:24:00.001-07:00

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a very considerate person, but that doesn't mean you let people walk all over you.

You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style.

You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it.

In relationships, you tend to take care of your needs first. You can only be with someone who's as independent as you are.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

JANUARIAN

2007-06-17T03:19:00.000-07:00

Your Birth Month is January

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.
Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.

Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona

Your gemstone: Garnet

Your flower: Snowdrop

Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

ORANGE!

2007-06-17T03:10:00.000-07:00

Your Aura is Orange

You're a bit of a loner, but you're never lonely. You know how to entertain yourself.
Whether you're trying an extreme sport or a new weird food, you always live on the edge.

The purpose of your life: testing limits - both physical and mental... and then telling people about it.

Famous oranges include: Timothy Leary, David Blaine, Tony Hawk, Carey Hart

Careers for you to try: Snowboarder, Circus Performer, Undercover Agent

What Color Is Your Aura?

Born into to the star Capricorn

2007-06-17T03:07:00.001-07:00

You are 60% Capricorn

How Capricorn Are You?

miss DaredeVil!

2007-06-17T03:00:00.001-07:00

You Are a Dare Devil

For you, life is one big dare.
And you're all in for any adventure.
Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating.
You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself!

How Daring Are You?

~viOleT~

2007-06-17T02:56:00.000-07:00

Your Eyes Should Be Violet

Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure

What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

What should I study? i can be free as a bird doing anything

2007-06-17T02:54:00.000-07:00

Your Learning Style: Enthusiastic and Imaginative

You are always up for an intellectual challenge - in fact, hard subjects are actually easiest for you.

You Should Study:

Advertising
Astronomy
Biology
Chemistry
Finance
Journalism
Marketing
Physics

What Should You Study?

AND

You are a very abstract learner. You can grasp even the most complex theories.

You Should Study:

Astronomy
Biology
Chemistry
Computer Science
Linguistics
Mathematics
Philosophy
Physics
Psychology

2007-06-17T02:46:00.000-07:00

What Your Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Means Your eating style is reserved. You are a bit of a fussy eater, and you have very specific ways you like your food prepared.

You have a total sweet tooth. When you can get away with it, you like to have dessert before dinner!

Your taste in food tends to be pretty flexible. You may crave sushi one night, and your favorite childhood recipe the next.

You are probably a fairly normal, upper middle class person. You don't rock the boat too often.

You are a tough person who isn't afraid to live life fully. There isn't a lot that scares you.

Precise and controlled, you can be a bit anal retentive when it comes to how you like things. You're definitely a perfectionist.

my say:

i can actually eat anything.hehe
but most of it is right.
i eat according to the conditions around---lost in a jungle wit a half dead monkey---i will !

cut throat gal....not so i think

2007-06-17T02:43:00.000-07:00

You Are More Cutthroat Than You Think

Yes, you do have that killer instinct lurking in you.
And while you may not be actually cutting throats anytime soon...
You certainly don't mind clawing your way to the top.

Are You Cutthroat?

giRly??? ermmm

2007-06-17T02:41:00.002-07:00

You Are a Feminine Beauty!

You make any guy feel like a man, simply by standing next to him
You have a classic womanly appeal - and you've got a look for every occasion
This doesn't mean that you can't kick back in (designer) jeans and sneakers
You just prefer to be girly and sweet as often as possible

What Type of Beauty Are You?

a leader?!?

2007-06-17T02:41:00.001-07:00

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

A lady with A modern minD..... too bad !

2007-06-17T02:37:00.001-07:00

***You Are 48% Lady***

You're part lady, part modern woman.
Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.

Are You A Lady?
http://www.blogthings.com/areyoualadyquiz/

extrovert_CONSCIENCE_agreable_KINDA NEUROTIC_VERY open

2007-06-17T02:35:00.001-07:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

my "BluE"

2007-06-17T02:34:00.001-07:00

You are Ocean Blue

You're both warm and practical. You're very driven, but you're also very well rounded.
You tend to see both sides to every issue, and people consider you a natural diplomat.

What Color Blue Are You?

HoW reAl I am ?

2007-06-17T02:30:00.000-07:00

You Are 89% Real

There's hardly a person on this earth more real than you are.
You have no problem showing people who you are, flaws and all.
For you, there couldn't be any other way. Because it's way too stressful to live an inauthentic life.
You're very comfortable with yourself. And because of this, you're able to live an exciting, interesting, and challenging life.

How Real Are You?

Guilt, Regret, Acceptance, and cupid's arrow hits again!

2007-06-02T22:27:00.001-07:00

2nd June 2008

Well here I go, my first blog here ...
Not sure whether I'm glad or sad to write this one, but guess it would be best to get it off my soul.
It has been exactly a year since the last time he said, "I"ll always be by your side, no matter what."
What a lie.

June 3rd 2006
Yes I remember that day, blurred out of my mind,but not wanting it to be out, a week after his dreams shattered and my love lost.

I will not deny that he was the "guy" that one would like....
But was it not me who wanted to end it, wanted to lose what ever it might have been.

I think I can never forget the tears that filled his eyes when I said its best that we were just friends. Honestly, I never knew a guy like him will take it that seriously.

I was busy with a major charitable project and I had not enough time for him, what more for myself.

I could hear the frustration in his voice during those long conversations almost every alternating nights. Those short rhymes he would make up and send me via text.

Why should I make him wait one day i thought!?

If he can be there for me , and I can't , where on earth is this relationship going to.

GUILT....
He would not eat, he was sloping in his studies, the biggest exam for him in any of our high school lives was nearing.
He was a year older than me, less wiser than me ,[ I always some how thought.]--vain me

And I was simply enjoying my sweet 16, while he was living in one of life's most bitter moments.

I was happily enjoying my life away, doing my stuffs, and somethings I would never forget and just wished I'd never done them. It hurt him, and I hurt my own feelings through it.

He was beginning to feel lonely .

I REGRET for not being there for him during those hard moments in life where his friends bailed out, although it was not at all his fault.

3rd June 06,
I cried by the phone after our 2 hour long call ended. I saw his number and really didn't want to answer. Then I said to myself, keep it short, and just be normal with him.

His sweet words ,I won't forget.
How deceived I was.

JUST A WEEK later,

HE was hooked up with another girl, a person he despised throughout his teenage years. She had cause many problems yet he was LOVING her.

I will not deny that the aura of love did surround us too, but , this new relationship of his....you may say I was jealous, maybe I was a little green, but I still cared, you know.

I didn't make any contact for months with him.

His actions cut deep into my heart. many noticed.i gnored and pretanded as if I didn't care.

We did say that we would remain close friends, he was a good friend, I would say,
but she had her finger wrapped around him.
I did call him once or twice to wish him luck in his exams and all, but they weren't long.
And I had some sort of longing for something.

I WAS NOT OVER HIM YET.....................and he was...........although it was me who ended it.
I thought I could never get over him....
bumped into him a few times, and my heart would just start beating faster , like how it used to the first time I met him

My friends were there for me always, they some how tried putting these pictures of him being such a bad ex in my head, but it didn't work, guys....
Everyone tells me I should forget about him, he don't deserve me. They're right, he didn't deserve me, but I deserved him.

Then one night somewhere in December, I just gave him a ring.
I was watching GREY"S ANATOMY then, it was the episode where Meridith and Derek was in the lift together. Where he was ignoring her.

And then, i wanted to say something to him, longing so badly to .....

my heart yearning to............

at that instant, on TV MERIDITH: I miss you.... she says to Derek.

and I lose my grip on the phone........i start sobbing , again,

The line goes dead. He doesn't even bother to call back.
I couldn't stand it.
After a few hours of reflecting on what happened, I call my best friend, thank God he was home.

And I will never forget those words he said, and hope and pray every girl will have some realisation on it.

"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult
Life goes on." he said....with a long pause and a sigh....

"it is what it is, it's not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is....Don't blame yourself for being the one to let him go first. It was destined so, if you didn't would you have known that he was such an arse to just be off so fast.... you might have loved him. but he lusted you.....you made the right choice....yourself knows you best, don't regret, don't feel unloved....cause there are many of us still by you loving you and caring for you....ACCEPTENCE is a big step to START something new and fix mistakes before....A lesson well learnt....keep that in mind

I'm not a person who falls in and out quickly in love, I learnt.

But how much about love do I really know. A wise man once said..... love is so pure and true, to really know it, its a reward by itself, but when you will know it, you will know its meant to be and there to stay....have hope...........
A great lesson.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are "It might have been" one might say, but,

think again....

what should have been then?

LIFE"S full of chances and risks....take them carefully, may it be love, your job or even deciding to end something.....its in our hands....and you know what is best for you...
but let me leave this burden here....and never look back, because I have moved on for sometime and found new HOPE in new eyes................maybe ... a brighter path....

Funny isn't it, how one can be strong if one really wants to.
Just 2 days ago I bumped into him....we smiled at each other... and my heart was beating at a normal rate of 78 i guess...
haha

I've let him go. . . and cupids arrow has hit me again.
True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending. K. Knight