Sayonara 2016

I thought I did. 

I thought I wrote something for 2016. 
But my last post was as far to a time in 2014. 

Although, the adversities and adventures that built me in 2015 is still so vivid in my mind, 2016, was a whole different story.
Time really really flew by in 2016 :

Jan 2016- Spent New Years Day, with D <3 .="" br="" family="" fell="" his="" in="" love="" with="">fully cultured three major cell lines of breast carcinoma
Feb 2016- came up with the idea of knocking down a certain category of genes in the human cell to reduce breast ca resistance 
Mac 2016- worked daily for nearly 30 days, 8 till past 10 pm 
Apr 2016- found out what has happened to my knee, and the future of not getting back to sports, offered my first job, at KKM! 
May2016- hopped around on two crutches, went thru the 5 steps of "grief" with what happened. Awarded, discretely as TA's top 20 reviewers!! Got a small job on a huge Blue-White Social Media company
June2016- learnt total independence being slightly disabled. BK2 officially got married to Abs . thesis was COMPLETED, after some 168 pages
July 2016- got my second Honours, and the 1st class Honours meant- no need le masters!! :D 
                       BK2 got married!!!! good celebration! Flew on hot air balloons with my beau, and that                         was beautiful. Got my second job offer -the much awaited one! 
Aug 2016- Started my first job as le Doctor! Exciting start indeed
Sept2016-found out how nasty colleagues can get. Brexit happened here? Life was mainly : wake up at 5 am, get to work by 6 am, work,eat whenever I can, get home about 6.30 pm, wash up, sleep 
OnCalls were awesome, regardless 
Oct2016 - First Long line inserted after a few attempts!! spent quality time, after so many years, with my girls- VVBL. 
Nov2016- worked like a cow, went by 21 days of non stop work, fell pretty ill, towards the end. Succuessfully inserted my first chest tube with a reg! 
Dec2016- Successfully inserted my first CVL!!!under the guidance of an amazing reg, my own brother! :p  A great teacher, really!
 with 1/3 a pay, resigned my first job. . spent the best and most memorable times with my cloesest friends and family 


That's basically how I remember this  last year 

So, hello, 2017.

I wonder what you have installed for my loved ones and I ? 

This little thank you...more of a mental note/:Just to always remember, the things a bunch of really important people- not in my everyday life,who have selflessly given, quietly done, and some been wonderful around, but mostly to me, inspired heaps...

I would love to list all that had happened together with them in 2016

but here are just a few, whom I may not cross paths with for a long time...

Mae - one of a kind of a PG student helping a lab noob like me
AProf ECH - he stood up for what is right whenever he could
Prof NWH  - an orthopod who will always stand out in anyone's mind, thanks for doing your best
Dr Z - always looking out for me,  and forever ready to help, one of the kindest Reg I've had this year
RJ -   for seeing the best in me and the potential I held

HAPPY 2017, everyone !  

Woots to the Blog !

Music in the background right now :
-Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason" 


A year ago , it was to the fireworks over the Sydney Harbor Bridge and a mild heat stroke :p
and that post was delayed by over a 90 day period.

2014... What had you done to me !!!???

Perhaps this was the most exhilarating year yet in every element that I could think of,personally.

It has been pretty tragic in general to the people I love very much. However, all that I observed was strength to stand up again, from all of them.
Fire, rain, sadness nor sorrow did not stop them from regaining their potential and being out there in the world again.

I have friends who lost their families to a tragic plane crash, some to old age, many who face the transition of life, may it had been to a working life or a pension lead path.

*Ok , at a block here. I think we shall continue when the thoughts start spilling out for real *


Happy 2015 , nevertheless.... Bring it on , New Year!

this silly 2014 , was one heck of an experience!! ;D

too tired to sleep

You see THAT girl, yeah her. 
She seems so invincible right. 
but just touch her & she'll flinch.
She has secrets & she trusts no one.
she's the perfect example of betrayal. 
cause everyone she trusted, broke her.

It takes great strength to get through to someone .

Like the horrible burning pain in my stomach right now, the heart burns likewise too. 

People let down each other easily... perhaps that is why it is almost impossible at times, to trust again.
It is tough to let their guard down...

or be dependent on someone, who perhaps would just be another person to walk all over them and then run out of the picture all together... 

leaving them helpless and lost, till a moment comes, where every one else around them has to literally make them pick themselves up again 

personally, I still remember the time when I couldn't carry my groceries up, cause I was so accustomed in having someone do it for me all the time. 

I still remember having to rush and pack cause I almost always had all my things sorted out and kept in the boot when it was time to go back to my hometown.

I still remember how easy it was to sit in the cold air conditioned car and having my burger while watching another pump air into my car's tyre under that 12 noon sun

mum still lectures me for leaving my things around...

dad says I don't put the things back as they should...

sometimes, I catch myself, just drinking outta the tap cause I am too lazy to boil some clean water for myself...and later having a bad sorethroat cause of that == 

but when alone and away from home, the perks of home and the pampering aren't there.... instead of curling up in the corner and missing all of it .... coping it by being  able to fend for thyself is all that one has got...

i am homesick every other day...

but with the notion that I gotta grow up.... i try to grow up 

life can get too tiring to go on at times...

Therefore, I am certainly glad right now , that I am home [ and really, I don't wish to be anywhere else for just a little while ]

Tomorrow may never come. The only time you can be sure of, is NOW.

For the first time in the last 7 years of my blogging history... this was the first year, where the new year's eve -come-new year's day post was never made.

I thought I would save it for the 14th of April then... but as almost always, ink-to-paper needs to happen when there is some big turning point in my life.
[and if there was a mapped trail of every path I took and every turn I chose, I think I've been through two ends of the spectrum and made a couple of circles.. ]

Many inspiring things have occurred in the last six to seven months. Quite a few, that had been life changing... everyone close to me noticed the new sense of serenity I have around them, the mellow breaths I take to the quieter  demeanour  that has become part of me. To be honest, I don't feel so, but I'm definitely at more peace with almost everything around me, even "tragedies and disasters" within or outside my circle

since whatever happened two Septembers ago,  I turned horribly edgy, having hurt a whole list of people in my life. Some knowingly, and many otherwise.
The responsibility only falls on me, I swear, because things happen, and it should had been my role to handled them better. Perhaps not everything.

From two  Septembers ago,  the truest people to me were revealed for this current chapter in life.
yes , I lost my best friend of nine years along the way... but ya, I kinda had to come to acceptance that she was quite a b*#@% herself for all that she did in her conscious mind . We talk maybe... but, ya, as forgiving as I can be, I never really forget some things.


I kept the friends who are really just that :)  and finally opened my eyes to the fact that family is everything, and they will stick by you no matter what... especially my amma & achan ... and my incredible little brother....ok ok ... my slightly (understatement) blunt older brothers.  their better halves were like sisters to me throughout too. [no, they weren't buttering me up, cause , they failed that long long ago when they were put to the "test"  :p ]

my oldest girl friends, stood by me no matter what.
my closest guy friends, initially tried masking the pain away, but like everyone else, there came a point that some amount of bluntness was needed to snap me out of how I was really feeling.

Life went on. it always does. it just goes on and on and on... however strong or tough, one could be.... there will be a point that you have to just step out of that suffocating box and start again. I learnt to move on really really fast then on. From anything really! May it be another love, or another best friend-like-sister or even a family member's passing... I am just determined to close that chapter, let it be, and go on with my bigger dreams in life...


Along the way, in the last 18 months or so, I recognised love again, in two different faces. :)

well, ya... they didn't work out, reasons aside, probably for the better. Maybe I caused them to breath an air of sadness when I was too close to them... perhaps not.
Whatever it was, they made me a better person in many ways others never actually could. Reaching out to me the way you both did, I will never forget. Thank you, for staying resilient, despite having to had known me during the worst phase of my life.
for that I will always root for them whenever I can, for they were always good friends to start with.

[right now, both of you are so happy in your own separate ways, it only brings smiles and joy to me...I pray it will always go smooth for each of you :]


so when all my darkest fears were drowning me  at the same time, I somehow swam out of it, breathing again. There is just too much out there in life that I am not willing to miss out on .

If it was the old me , I would had taken nearly 4 years to move on from one thing to another.

I am still the same "dapinkgurl" who writes nonsense and does crazy random stuff in life, with some degree of sensibility ... but, perhaps a little more grown up. :D
ya that took sometime, didn't it ? :p

I'm back to writing my own songs these days :)
Busy making kids smile in the wards.[some occasional cry inducing events do occur! ]
Running for 10 km in an hour again [yay to my knees]
Trolling away with my friends on the funniest games
Nerding my brains away whenever I get the chance :p ``
Laughing endlessly to the lamest jokes around
Cracking some of my own too [and hearing crickets all around me haha ]

There are no expectations but that of mine

It is nice to have this freedom again and just be me. 

[I'm really too lazy to edit the html for this post... so here we end it as it is ]

LIVE love LIFE

again and again and again...
Till the end of time.
For every story has a beginning, a middle, an end.
And some things just happen all the time. 

“The saddest people I've ever met in life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there's nothing to make it last.” 
― Nicholas Sparks

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

the RIGHT one , the WRONG time

The greatest irony of love: 

 ''Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right? '' 

0r is it worse, finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life? 

then there is a whole list of heartbreaks and so called "love failures", relationships, sometimes even marriages that don't work out for the most bizzare and "un-understandable"  reasons.....

for more irony ,  some think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person {that perhaps if that love returns eventually, it was meant to be...}

and then, there's some, afraid to see the one they love, is actually being held by someone else. 

Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, but because love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little. 
Something, quite a number of people end up learning the hard way. A very very tough way ..

     Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them we are just for past times. While the one who truly loves us remains either your friend or just a stranger.
     When some think of their past love; they may had viewed it as a failure; but when they find a new love, that so called failure becomes some sort of lesson, more of a teacher... 
Saying "some" is an understatement, for its many of us who fall into the whirlpool of love and life, who eventually realise the above. 

Is it right for someone to name it a game of love?  for it doesn't really matter who won or who lost... What's important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go. 
Yesterday, one of my best friends asked, how does it feel to be truly in love. At that instant, I realised, not much thought was actually given to that. 
I guess, you know that you love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not apart of it. Even if it means, sometimes, that their happiness is of much greater importance of your own. 

Everything happens for a reason and for its best. 

If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never truly love a person, unless you risk for their love; love strives in hurting. 

If you don't get hurt, then you won't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time; though the hurting is there to test you, to help you grow. 

then, on another note, don't rush it all...

Don't go looking for love. Don't find love, let love find you; -- that's why it's called falling in love[DUH!] 
 because we don't need to force ourself to love, we just fall.

   but [yes, my favourite word...IN EVERY POST! hehe ] -- You cannot finish a book without closing the chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress.

   but why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on,      and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve. 

To love is to risk rejection, 

 to live is to risk dying 

 and

to hope is to risk failure.

 The past though, a tough teacher, taught me one thing -- don't risk it all. Don't throw it all away, don't sacrifice your all. Love yourself as much as you could love another too.  but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. 


To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self. To love is to risk not being loved in return.

 My point of view, defining love, is quite unreal, probably it's just a hypothesis, probably an imagination, but for some, including myself, it is that intangible "thinga-magica", that happens! 

 so in life :

 Fall but do not stumble. 

Be constant but not too persistent. 

Share and never be unfair. 

Understand and try not to demand.

Hurt but never keep the pain. 

 Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom; whom they choose to be and where they choose to go. 

Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love can be a painful risk. To love means that risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity of what we call love.

 If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk and if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. 

 ~live~life~love~

 so let's fall in love...

owh little caterpiller

So there it grew,
the strong cherry blossom tree,
springs pink delicate flowers,
the pure white ones occasionally...
Her fragrant , sweet,
like peaches, roses and no, not weed

She let a little caterpillar
endeavour her leaves,
crawled the little friend, and
made home in thee,
her green span of leaves
her pretty pink petals all free
she just let him in
and loved the caterpillar for who he was within...



Time came, the estranged one started spinning
threads of little silk around him
cacooned and disappeared within
the blossom rings

Autumn broke
the little cherry blossoms shred
how fragrant thee
signs of tear and despair ,
upon the missing caterpillar

He never nudged
did he?
It was a game of hide and seek
the little blossom tree
wanted to turn it around

A big part of her
vanished in her sight of what she was to see
All that remained were
her fallen petals
and leaves with holes
in every middle

Winter set in ,
she withered
came a few
to water and shade the now
unbecoming tree

Spring came
and on one fine morning,
a small opening appeared
on the cocoon of the little caterpillar
cherry blossom never saw this happen
for he struggled and crawled its way out
as a beautiful butterfly
and off he was
with its beautiful wings,
spanned
flying far away from the blossom tree.

Never seeming to look back,
but beared in his mind,
what she really meant to him
Only his little heart knew of  her heart so kind
Her love so true

Cherry blossom tree,
left with little leaves
no flowers to fragrant the free
but she grows
she will reach the sky
closer than anything
for maybe ,
the wonders of the sky so vast
will she see..