Sunday, 11 November 2012

Left in the Dark

what did i ever not do enough for you ?i still play this song in my sleep and its cause i mean it. I meant it everytime i said i love you. i gave up many things for you, knowingly and with pure intentions. never was i ever fake to you. even at times of anger and when i couldnt control my temper... i regreted them!
i regretted them, hence i hurt myself for it.
someday, you will realise, that's why I'm letting you go . letting you off my mind as much as i can, so you will find your peace some how.
im sorry , if you were fed with lies and manipulation by all the other people...
i will stay true to myself, and I know what is right or wrong. and I know who you are and what you are not. With my confidence and trust in you that lines my heart, I know what is the best to do , not for just myself, but for both of us.
Loving someone, is also loving them for their worst and most horrid sides...
i accepted and embraced yours... maybe you are just not that grown up to take mine.
I hope some day ... may it be me, or anyone else... you will learn to love unconditionally.
so unconditional, that you won't be sorry for loving them...that you will never run from them... that you will stand by her side, no matter what... and a million people can hate you for loving her, but you still would, with all your heart and even more....
that's true love.
i have felt it . experienced it... hope you get the golden chance to , when it happens too...
Despite all the hurt anyone could had gone thru from what has happened... guess what, I'm barely in pain. I kept wondering why .
i tried finding reasons... but this is what i found :

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Mother Teresa

[ i gotta thank you, for letting me experience such a wonderful feeling! [ironically it is ]
if you want to hate me, go ahead
if you want to forget me, try
if you never ever want to hear or see me again, please tell me...
they are all your will and your choices....
i feel incredibly free now ! doing all of my hearts desire. spending the best and the most of time with dozens of people who have waited and loved me from a far for years.
cuci mata also here and there... hehe
we grew up too fast!
cause, i still think of you every time i get up from sleep, and every night, i still spend 15 mins or so reminiscing about you. its as if you died , but i very well know you're just some hundred miles away.
i want to keep all these memories...
cause who knows, in some future to come, our paths will cross...
we only have one soul mate each... and i will tell you confidently , we are each other's... maybe we were really good in a past life. or maybe we are meant to be in the heavens together someday... or maybe its all just not meant to be , for now only....
the future is for us to pave.
i miss you everyday, i dont care if that will boost your ego, or scare you away, but that's how i feel, and i have to let you know.
good luck always...
you will always be in my prayers and my thoughts.

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