the RIGHT one , the WRONG time

The greatest irony of love: 

 ''Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right? '' 

0r is it worse, finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life? 

then there is a whole list of heartbreaks and so called "love failures", relationships, sometimes even marriages that don't work out for the most bizzare and "un-understandable"  reasons.....

for more irony ,  some think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person {that perhaps if that love returns eventually, it was meant to be...}

and then, there's some, afraid to see the one they love, is actually being held by someone else. 

Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, but because love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little. 
Something, quite a number of people end up learning the hard way. A very very tough way ..

     Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them we are just for past times. While the one who truly loves us remains either your friend or just a stranger.
     When some think of their past love; they may had viewed it as a failure; but when they find a new love, that so called failure becomes some sort of lesson, more of a teacher... 
Saying "some" is an understatement, for its many of us who fall into the whirlpool of love and life, who eventually realise the above. 

Is it right for someone to name it a game of love?  for it doesn't really matter who won or who lost... What's important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go. 
Yesterday, one of my best friends asked, how does it feel to be truly in love. At that instant, I realised, not much thought was actually given to that. 
I guess, you know that you love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not apart of it. Even if it means, sometimes, that their happiness is of much greater importance of your own. 

Everything happens for a reason and for its best. 

If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never truly love a person, unless you risk for their love; love strives in hurting. 

If you don't get hurt, then you won't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time; though the hurting is there to test you, to help you grow. 

then, on another note, don't rush it all...

Don't go looking for love. Don't find love, let love find you; -- that's why it's called falling in love[DUH!] 
 because we don't need to force ourself to love, we just fall.

   but [yes, my favourite word...IN EVERY POST! hehe ] -- You cannot finish a book without closing the chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress.

   but why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on,      and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve. 

To love is to risk rejection, 

 to live is to risk dying 

 and

to hope is to risk failure.

 The past though, a tough teacher, taught me one thing -- don't risk it all. Don't throw it all away, don't sacrifice your all. Love yourself as much as you could love another too.  but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. 


To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self. To love is to risk not being loved in return.

 My point of view, defining love, is quite unreal, probably it's just a hypothesis, probably an imagination, but for some, including myself, it is that intangible "thinga-magica", that happens! 

 so in life :

 Fall but do not stumble. 

Be constant but not too persistent. 

Share and never be unfair. 

Understand and try not to demand.

Hurt but never keep the pain. 

 Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom; whom they choose to be and where they choose to go. 

Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love can be a painful risk. To love means that risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity of what we call love.

 If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk and if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. 

 ~live~life~love~

 so let's fall in love...

One More Week!

at least one more item on my "what to do after STPM ! " list can be struck out! 
I have worked for a week now...finally this lazy girl collected enough courage to let her legs ache, back pain,  hands go dry and even her eyes tear! 


Is it self praise if one says " I am not THAAAAT lazy anymore?"

Haha. At least I finally got one paid job done! 

The Flu

I'm not the average blog to write a journal type... honestly, sometimes I find a total waste of time and effort(seemingly, very few people actually read all of it).
I'm sitting here, staring bankly at the speakers of the PC , stupidly expecting a favourite song of mine to play at random.
Exams are on next week, and well, I AM BLOGGING!!!!!
Yikes... its mainly because I have come up with this terrible allergy reaction and am barely able to do anything else(very unlike my usual reactions)
It is cold yet it is terribly hot... guess I have fallen sick after sooooo long .

That then reminds me, I still have my unwritten speech for the World Young Women's Forum.... ARGH!
more frustrations right?
I started of quarter of the speech but there is just too much to write for a 6 minute speech.
Darn !

Other than my dear oral trainer at school, well, there is not much support otherwise.

Talking about support.....my best friend is "uncomfortable" with us texting almost daily... OI! we have been doing it for almost forever!!?! It is not my fault he hasn't been studying nor is he even near being prepared for his exams. I lost track of the countless number of times that I have actually nagged him on and on about him studying and that don't procrastinate and all that crap.
Yea, crap...
because, to tell you the truth ... procrastinating has become quite a part of my life lately as well....

Frustrations, well, they have always been there, and I am proud to tell you that I do keep my distance from it. It happens to be a bad friend... and I don't like keeping bad friends ;)

Haha... talking about bad friends.... my dear closiez and so called BFFS..... where on earth are you all?
Let me be frank, I am tired of being the first one to call or email or even find out if you all are down.... Surprisingly it is , I'm at home in the place we all grew up and there is no courtesey of any sort for you to let me know?!?!
I have given up... if you want to maintain a friendship, please do it so as well... it works two ways you know... everything does..
Its too exhausting for only one person to keep tabs at all times. Despite the fact that I may be a little busy when you are back, well, i will and so would any one else, appreciate a short call or a sweet message from you,or maybe a surprise drop by at my place.Its courteousy !

And, finally to courteousy.... like what I mentioned on the first of this year... what on earth is people with impersonal messages in wishing for a special occasion or so. Yesterday was Mother's day... If you want to wish a mother, call them larr! Or send a kind,sweet , NON FORWARDING NON SEND-TO-MANY text message. Must mobile phones and tele-communication ethiques become something thought in the school too!?!?!?!

Anyway, I don't believe in the 2nd Sundays of May being mother's day... its meant to be everyday... I think its plainly another commercial event for Memory Lane and giant corps to rander money out of our gradually shrinking pockets!
(I rather make my o0wn gifts and cards...call me stingy or anything, but my loved ones who get it , actually love it!)

So in the end, our actions are shown from what is in our hearts...

[i'm wheezing already now... off to sleep again i guess... and its not even 8 pm]
sigh.

These words I've put into digital ones and zeroes, may just be the flu speaking(an effective excuse eh?)
or probably something that has been too long buried at the bottom of my heart and mind....

More words soon( forseeing a few more frustrations) ;)

Hey, don't go thinking that I am a sadist type or just emo, I'll post any exciting, interesting and HAPPY goss or stories and experiences ASAP!

Not Knowing Me

This is a story of a girl who enjoys getting herself into challenges, boggle her mind and impart risks as her middle name.
It has been five years since she first felt this way.
And three years since it had made her little heart ache.

In continuation to my previous blog(the undone one), I have found this very meaningful poem by an anonymous person.
It makes a lot of sense, and its to those who think they actually know the meaning of it, well, darn, think again!

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your ideas, your dreams,
before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To believe is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the
greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The people who risk nothing, do nothing,
have nothing, are nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change,
grow, love, live.
Chained by their attitudes they are slaves;
they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.

From you I have learned; i have known how painful failure can really be.At least in the end of the day, I can always tell myself that I somewhat tried to make it better. Some what tried to make it happen, despite for the number of weeks that I felt as if the world was about to come to an end. Or the fact that before this, there was once I thought I had every splendour at the tips of my fingers. You made me realise, something that I had for a long time forgotten, that you can't always get what you want. And that makes you appreciate for all the wonderful things in life.

I spilled my deepest thoughts to you. Shared my philosophies in life , presented my best ... but I realised I actually stopped trying to impress you anymore. I've been absolutely myself around you. Perhaps , we remain best of pals for now.

Live to the utmost best for all the challenges we are to face. I'll be here for you, always,as I know you to will be around to catch me if I fall. This relationship we have, has its own uniqueness that only you and I will ever understand.
Thank you for being there for me .

No, it doesn't end here, I have one tiny doubt that haunts me in my sleep.It is that if you really need me ? And do you actually know the face of this girl you call your best friend.... We have our own secrets, the fewest that we have not shared. And the stories you have told me , the pain you have shared with me, and the encouragement I have always tried my best to give to you.... Do you not sense that most of the time, I feel like you do not really appreciate it....and there are times, when a cloud of emotion hits me, revealing that perhaps you do not really know me.

I take risks, my dearest friend, I have always...
Taken the roughest roads and made the most difficult choices.
Climbed many mountains and swam across seas.
Most of the time, they were my choices...solely mine,
and I did very frequently choose the path that was less travelled. But for you to have said those words the other day, I thought to myself , "Does he really understand me the best?".... I missed that old friend I had in you, who gave it all, didn't mind its consequences and actually had a great time together.

Once again, I make a choice,instead of the one that many people would make to look for another. I choose to take the one that was grassy and wanted wear.

Therefore, im really free.
Irony is all part of life.