Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Woots to the Blog !

Music in the background right now :
-Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason" 

A year ago , it was to the fireworks over the Sydney Harbor Bridge and a mild heat stroke :p
and that post was delayed by over a 90 day period.

2014... What had you done to me !!!???

Perhaps this was the most exhilarating year yet in every element that I could think of,personally.

It has been pretty tragic in general to the people I love very much. However, all that I observed was strength to stand up again, from all of them.
Fire, rain, sadness nor sorrow did not stop them from regaining their potential and being out there in the world again.

I have friends who lost their families to a tragic plane crash, some to old age, many who face the transition of life, may it had been to a working life or a pension lead path.

*Ok , at a block here. I think we shall continue when the thoughts start spilling out for real *

Happy 2015 , nevertheless.... Bring it on , New Year!

this silly 2014 , was one heck of an experience!! ;D

Monday, 16 June 2014

too tired to sleep

You see THAT girl, yeah her. 
She seems so invincible right. 
but just touch her & she'll flinch.
She has secrets & she trusts no one.
she's the perfect example of betrayal. 
cause everyone she trusted, broke her.

It takes great strength to get through to someone .

Like the horrible burning pain in my stomach right now, the heart burns likewise too. 

People let down each other easily... perhaps that is why it is almost impossible at times, to trust again.
It is tough to let their guard down...
or be dependent on someone, who perhaps would just be another person to walk all over them and then run out of the picture all together... 

leaving them helpless and lost, till a moment comes, where every one else around them has to literally make them pick themselves up again 

personally, I still remember the time when I couldn't carry my groceries up, cause I was so accustomed in having someone do it for me all the time. 

I still remember having to rush and pack cause I almost always had all my things sorted out and kept in the boot when it was time to go back to my hometown.

I still remember how easy it was to sit in the cold air conditioned car and having my burger while watching another pump air into my car's tyre under that 12 noon sun

mum still lectures me for leaving my things around...
dad says I don't put the things back as they should...
sometimes, I catch myself, just drinking outta the tap cause I am too lazy to boil some clean water for myself...and later having a bad sorethroat cause of that == 

but when alone and away from home, the perks of home and the pampering aren't there.... instead of curling up in the corner and missing all of it .... coping it by being  able to fend for thyself is all that one has got...

i am homesick every other day...
but with the notion that I gotta grow up.... i try to grow up 

life can get too tiring to go on at times...
Therefore, I am certainly glad right now , that I am home [ and really, I don't wish to be anywhere else for just a little while ]

Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Tomorrow may never come. The only time you can be sure of, is NOW.

For the first time in the last 7 years of my blogging history... this was the first year, where the new year's eve -come-new year's day post was never made.

I thought I would save it for the 14th of April then... but as almost always, ink-to-paper needs to happen when there is some big turning point in my life.
[and if there was a mapped trail of every path I took and every turn I chose, I think I've been through two ends of the spectrum and made a couple of circles.. ]

Many inspiring things have occurred in the last six to seven months. Quite a few, that had been life changing... everyone close to me noticed the new sense of serenity I have around them, the mellow breaths I take to the quieter  demeanour  that has become part of me. To be honest, I don't feel so, but I'm definitely at more peace with almost everything around me, even "tragedies and disasters" within or outside my circle

since whatever happened two Septembers ago,  I turned horribly edgy, having hurt a whole list of people in my life. Some knowingly, and many otherwise.
The responsibility only falls on me, I swear, because things happen, and it should had been my role to handled them better. Perhaps not everything.

From two  Septembers ago,  the truest people to me were revealed for this current chapter in life.
yes , I lost my best friend of nine years along the way... but ya, I kinda had to come to acceptance that she was quite a b*#@% herself for all that she did in her conscious mind . We talk maybe... but, ya, as forgiving as I can be, I never really forget some things.

I kept the friends who are really just that :)  and finally opened my eyes to the fact that family is everything, and they will stick by you no matter what... especially my amma & achan ... and my incredible little brother....ok ok ... my slightly (understatement) blunt older brothers.  their better halves were like sisters to me throughout too. [no, they weren't buttering me up, cause , they failed that long long ago when they were put to the "test"  :p ]

my oldest girl friends, stood by me no matter what.
my closest guy friends, initially tried masking the pain away, but like everyone else, there came a point that some amount of bluntness was needed to snap me out of how I was really feeling.

Life went on. it always does. it just goes on and on and on... however strong or tough, one could be.... there will be a point that you have to just step out of that suffocating box and start again. I learnt to move on really really fast then on. From anything really! May it be another love, or another best friend-like-sister or even a family member's passing... I am just determined to close that chapter, let it be, and go on with my bigger dreams in life...

Along the way, in the last 18 months or so, I recognised love again, in two different faces. :)

well, ya... they didn't work out, reasons aside, probably for the better. Maybe I caused them to breath an air of sadness when I was too close to them... perhaps not.
Whatever it was, they made me a better person in many ways others never actually could. Reaching out to me the way you both did, I will never forget. Thank you, for staying resilient, despite having to had known me during the worst phase of my life.
for that I will always root for them whenever I can, for they were always good friends to start with.

[right now, both of you are so happy in your own separate ways, it only brings smiles and joy to me...I pray it will always go smooth for each of you :]

so when all my darkest fears were drowning me  at the same time, I somehow swam out of it, breathing again. There is just too much out there in life that I am not willing to miss out on .

If it was the old me , I would had taken nearly 4 years to move on from one thing to another.

I am still the same "dapinkgurl" who writes nonsense and does crazy random stuff in life, with some degree of sensibility ... but, perhaps a little more grown up. :D
ya that took sometime, didn't it ? :p

I'm back to writing my own songs these days :)
Busy making kids smile in the wards.[some occasional cry inducing events do occur! ]
Running for 10 km in an hour again [yay to my knees]
Trolling away with my friends on the funniest games
Nerding my brains away whenever I get the chance :p ``
Laughing endlessly to the lamest jokes around
Cracking some of my own too [and hearing crickets all around me haha ]

There are no expectations but that of mine

It is nice to have this freedom again and just be me. 

[I'm really too lazy to edit the html for this post... so here we end it as it is ]