I thought I would save it for the 14th of April then... but as almost always, ink-to-paper needs to happen when there is some big turning point in my life.
[and if there was a mapped trail of every path I took and every turn I chose, I think I've been through two ends of the spectrum and made a couple of circles.. ]
Many inspiring things have occurred in the last six to seven months. Quite a few, that had been life changing... everyone close to me noticed the new sense of serenity I have around them, the mellow breaths I take to the quieter demeanour that has become part of me. To be honest, I don't feel so, but I'm definitely at more peace with almost everything around me, even "tragedies and disasters" within or outside my circle
since whatever happened two Septembers ago, I turned horribly edgy, having hurt a whole list of people in my life. Some knowingly, and many otherwise.
The responsibility only falls on me, I swear, because things happen, and it should had been my role to handled them better. Perhaps not everything.
From two Septembers ago, the truest people to me were revealed for this current chapter in life.
yes , I lost my best friend of nine years along the way... but ya, I kinda had to come to acceptance that she was quite a b*#@% herself for all that she did in her conscious mind . We talk maybe... but, ya, as forgiving as I can be, I never really forget some things.
I kept the friends who are really just that :) and finally opened my eyes to the fact that family is everything, and they will stick by you no matter what... especially my amma & achan ... and my incredible little brother....ok ok ... my slightly (understatement) blunt older brothers. their better halves were like sisters to me throughout too. [no, they weren't buttering me up, cause , they failed that long long ago when they were put to the "test" :p ]
my oldest girl friends, stood by me no matter what.
my closest guy friends, initially tried masking the pain away, but like everyone else, there came a point that some amount of bluntness was needed to snap me out of how I was really feeling.
Life went on. it always does. it just goes on and on and on... however strong or tough, one could be.... there will be a point that you have to just step out of that suffocating box and start again. I learnt to move on really really fast then on. From anything really! May it be another love, or another best friend-like-sister or even a family member's passing... I am just determined to close that chapter, let it be, and go on with my bigger dreams in life...
Along the way, in the last 18 months or so, I recognised love again, in two different faces. :)
well, ya... they didn't work out, reasons aside, probably for the better. Maybe I caused them to breath an air of sadness when I was too close to them... perhaps not.
Whatever it was, they made me a better person in many ways others never actually could. Reaching out to me the way you both did, I will never forget. Thank you, for staying resilient, despite having to had known me during the worst phase of my life.
for that I will always root for them whenever I can, for they were always good friends to start with.
[right now, both of you are so happy in your own separate ways, it only brings smiles and joy to me...I pray it will always go smooth for each of you :]
so when all my darkest fears were drowning me at the same time, I somehow swam out of it, breathing again. There is just too much out there in life that I am not willing to miss out on .
If it was the old me , I would had taken nearly 4 years to move on from one thing to another.
I am still the same "dapinkgurl" who writes nonsense and does crazy random stuff in life, with some degree of sensibility ... but, perhaps a little more grown up. :D
ya that took sometime, didn't it ? :p
I'm back to writing my own songs these days :)
Busy making kids smile in the wards.[some occasional cry inducing events do occur! ]
Running for 10 km in an hour again [yay to my knees]
Trolling away with my friends on the funniest games
Nerding my brains away whenever I get the chance :p ``
Laughing endlessly to the lamest jokes around
Cracking some of my own too [and hearing crickets all around me haha ]
There are no expectations but that of mine
It is nice to have this freedom again and just be me.