the RIGHT one , the WRONG time

The greatest irony of love: 

 ''Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right? '' 

0r is it worse, finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life? 

then there is a whole list of heartbreaks and so called "love failures", relationships, sometimes even marriages that don't work out for the most bizzare and "un-understandable"  reasons.....

for more irony ,  some think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person {that perhaps if that love returns eventually, it was meant to be...}

and then, there's some, afraid to see the one they love, is actually being held by someone else. 

Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, but because love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little. 
Something, quite a number of people end up learning the hard way. A very very tough way ..

     Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them we are just for past times. While the one who truly loves us remains either your friend or just a stranger.
     When some think of their past love; they may had viewed it as a failure; but when they find a new love, that so called failure becomes some sort of lesson, more of a teacher... 
Saying "some" is an understatement, for its many of us who fall into the whirlpool of love and life, who eventually realise the above. 

Is it right for someone to name it a game of love?  for it doesn't really matter who won or who lost... What's important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go. 
Yesterday, one of my best friends asked, how does it feel to be truly in love. At that instant, I realised, not much thought was actually given to that. 
I guess, you know that you love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not apart of it. Even if it means, sometimes, that their happiness is of much greater importance of your own. 

Everything happens for a reason and for its best. 

If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never truly love a person, unless you risk for their love; love strives in hurting. 

If you don't get hurt, then you won't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time; though the hurting is there to test you, to help you grow. 

then, on another note, don't rush it all...

Don't go looking for love. Don't find love, let love find you; -- that's why it's called falling in love[DUH!] 
 because we don't need to force ourself to love, we just fall.

   but [yes, my favourite word...IN EVERY POST! hehe ] -- You cannot finish a book without closing the chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress.

   but why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on,      and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve. 

To love is to risk rejection, 

 to live is to risk dying 

 and

to hope is to risk failure.

 The past though, a tough teacher, taught me one thing -- don't risk it all. Don't throw it all away, don't sacrifice your all. Love yourself as much as you could love another too.  but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. 


To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self. To love is to risk not being loved in return.

 My point of view, defining love, is quite unreal, probably it's just a hypothesis, probably an imagination, but for some, including myself, it is that intangible "thinga-magica", that happens! 

 so in life :

 Fall but do not stumble. 

Be constant but not too persistent. 

Share and never be unfair. 

Understand and try not to demand.

Hurt but never keep the pain. 

 Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom; whom they choose to be and where they choose to go. 

Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love can be a painful risk. To love means that risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity of what we call love.

 If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk and if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. 

 ~live~life~love~

 so let's fall in love...

Ta - Daaa!

FINALLY! 

it took me over 24 hours to just move from the laptop to the desktop pc....

to reconfigure my blog page! 

well, nothing much really. its still looks as boring as ever... even worse maybe...

plain white template...

added my favourite  perky colours here and there 

I found one pretty template from:  www.hongkiat.com/blog/50-most-beautiful-blogger-templates/

Apparently, it nearly caused more errors to the page when I tried editing it via html encryption... 

Too lazy to renovate the page (again...) , so , let us not go there for now .

More to that, I decided to allow pictures be blogged onto this account too! 

so it wouldn't be at picasa only...

unfortunately (or maybe very fortunately), it will only be pictures of random places and faces

One will still need my pass code to access my picasa web blog    

d=

After three or so years... I am proud of myself to have

finally have done something to this  ...err...

byte page of mine..

It still will NOT serve as a daily journal....

maybe just more as an updater for now...

I hope to blog more often though

~bk~

The orphan destined to be Prince....

It is the strangest way to get inspired, that is through a movie you underestimated! 
I know I've been saying it again and again that I will start blogging more frequently... but never actually kept to that word, till last night...


Yesterday was a catch up date with my bff ms lolo  and we decided (thanks to somebody else's smart suggestion.... to watch the movie spinned off a game :  Prince of Persia- The Sands of Time... 
Personally, it is the movie of the year for now! 
 The plot, the actors, the production and the graphics---- AWESOME with a capital all .


A summer movie that you must watch is this...

Look what i found!!!

While clearing up my desktop and its Word documents... I found this old essay where I have written with the highest spirit of hypocrisy .

Upper Six life and its dwellings..

I miss it very very much...

this goes out to my dear MUET teacher , Ms S and all my 6AE buddies , especially the " 8+1 lazy bums"

(myself, joan, jenny,jien,jia, jian, wengks, sara,kit)

and also to everybody else who "LOVES" homework...

and thought it was "IMPORTANT" !

17 January 2010

Why Passing Up your Homework In time Is Important?

Being late for class, missing weeks of MUET lessons, and procrastinating, has finally taken a toll on me. My dear English teacher practically blew up today as she caught me red handed trying to rush with my beloved Steadler blue pen to finish up three paragraphs of an essay that was due today. And as a punishment, I have this 500 plus word essay to complete before midnight[I need some sleep, please].

While my Maths textbook is glaring at me and my Biology notebook is complaining, I have to speed up and put my fingers into an Olympic race in finishing this essay as soon as possible. Yes, the effects of piling up your homework. Rush. Rush. Rush.

And in the end, when all the work is eventually done, they do not seem to be at my best. Point number two! Well, when I miss classes and get stupidly involved in other activities, I tend to miss the lessons taught, and while trying to catch up with the lesson, I practically leave out some of the homework. And right now, the number of Math sums piled up is reaching to an amount of 200; number of unwritten article comments are for Puan Susila to find out(I’ve done most of it I think). By trying to reduce the workload, everything is done quickly and promptly and with least creative effort or neatness. Hence, when I do not pass up my homework in time, my work tends to be sloppy and of the lowest quality.

Another humungous disadvantage of not passing up your homework in time is that it creates a high level of stress in me, my friends and my teachers too. When homework is not done, right from its due time till whenever I actually pass it up, I will have this worry that will start building tension in me: “I haven’t finished my work!”, “I’m doomed! Teacher is going to kill me!”, “I’m going to get sent out????!!!!”, and few other stressful thoughts reigning through my little head.

While this happens, my teacher would most probably get angry. That is short for saying that the whole mood for the following lesson would be spoilt. Sad to say that my single mistake of not finishing up my homework in time will be the cause of the change in colour tone, from pink to red ,of my teacher’s face. Consequently, my classmates would get involved in my “wrongdoing” as we share the same environment of learning. Thus, their lessons are temporarily disrupted simply because of me. What guilt to bare!

Being unable to finish your homework eventually leads to the fact that you will be unable to keep up with your lessons. This is mainly referring to the science subjects. And if you are doing Form 6, I was warned time after time that should be the last thing you should do. In Form 6, the teachers are like bullet trains. Effective but super fast lessons. If you miss one, it is almost equivalent to missing 15 pages of small print A4 size notes. However, it will not be that big a deal if you actually finish the homework as they are concise for the lessons. So, miss a lesson, you can still work it out with your homework, but if one misses their lesson and homework and get involved in tedious and unnecessary activities, I have made a theory that one is actually digging one’s grave and attempting to decorate it with fake and temporary jewels.

Finishing most of your homework is extremely important. It is so vital till I am stomped on why I did not to finish it then itself, and why I should right away take my Math book and start finishing every bit of the sums I have?

Homework is important. And finishing it in time is as vital as it is itself. Do not procrastinate. Procrastination is deadly. I shall make the best out of my homework despite the fact that it is really hard to keep up to my word. I am trying my best though.

Long live the spirit of finishing homework!

Which tunnel? The one behind, the one with the silver door, the one with golden gates or the calestial,star-decored arched entry????

"Never underestimate what you are about to do or what you are to face."

That is something that has slowly slipped off my mind lately.
GOSH
Second day of Upper Six Mid Year exams was today. AND IT WAS A BOMB!First time have I ever equated it to such a term, no, a bomb is quite an understatement, it was like "little boy" that hit Hiroshima. CHEMISTRY--my favourite subject, I thought I would make a career out of it too.
Maybe I have to admit , I didn't really prepare well for it--for STPM standards that is :' (

My head aches terribly, too(for quite a number of days already--not the normal migraine or sinusitis throbbing) and I really shouldn't be staring at my desktop's screen and writing all this. Haha,what the heck with do's and don't s for today.

About a week ago, I had finally decided to pursue the "path much taken" --- MEDiCINE!
The old ambition. The old dream. The days of taking my mum's stethoscope and playing with my dad's stilt lamp.Its amusing to look at my "younger" self that always wanted to become a doctor. For a person who practically grew up in hospitals and clinics, baby sat by nurses,it is not queer to see such an outcome as a desire for a future.

There was even a time, I think I was 12, that I told the whole world " I want to be a pediatric ophthalmologist!"
So naive of me....because, nowadays I look at people who are overly ambitious in becoming neurosurgeons and physicians, and I tell myself ---Go get your MD or MBBS first!

Then, something turned it all around.... I was 15 and I got my hands on Dan Brown's Angels and Demons(i have a bad feeling the movie will not be as good as the book...), and "ta-dah", a sudden inspiration in becoming a phycisist. And all I saw myself was accelerating particles to almost light speeds....changing the world.

Hey, it was not just an impulse though. I had researched it well, contacted renowned scientists and this forum really helped www.physicsforums.com. The people there were really kind and gave really good advise. Made many good friends too.


So, I had or maybe still have a dream, a dream to create the "greenest" , renewable, free, abundant energy.... haha, sounds more ideal than any sci fi fiction.... but imagine, if we have this free, green gigantic amount of energy , will it not solve most of the world's problems....

Then, "earthly worlds" came into the picture too.. from a very young age, I was always fascinated by the stars and the cosmic.... so I had another fork on the road, if its physics till phD.... where to? material sciences? astrophysics? molecular physics????!
...
but...{yea, my favourite word -_- }the question was still:
~Phycisist or
~Physician????

the confusion has been going on since Form 4. Thank God I made up my mind in what Pre u programme I should do way before its due time of decision(STPM aka HSC Malaysia it became).

But I'm still at the biggest junction of my life:
-MEDCINE
or
-PHYSICS Major->Phd



And last Tuesday, I told everyone , it am to save lives...
I initially implied Medicine as my career to be... but then again... I'm having my millionth thought on it now!

Creating free energy and minimising energy loss or maybe even creating machines to travel in the speed of ligt could answer a lot of questions in humanity...and eventually save lives???



Watched History Channel's Universe series yesterday.... haha...Physics and I are like two old lovers "unattended" yet unforgettable to each other, where your heart just thrives for it again (wei, not like I know how that really feels....)
I was really thrilled watching that episode, on light as the speed limit to the universe {being exhausted from PA 2 paper and MATHS T paper 2 ,I knock off towards the last quarter of the show}

And once again, Physics as part of my future was back into the question. Sigh.{NOT AGAIN!!!!!}

I seriously do not know whether I should leave the rest of my life to a flip or a coin(heads for physics and tails for medcine)
but then there is this strong belief I have that follow your heart even when it is against all odds... and like wat Confucius once said :
"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

Both are fields slightly in parallel , and both are something I really want to do.
Unfortunately, it is not like a double degree of Maths and physics or music and physics or even law and physics[all possible prospects of what I want and "can" be]... becoming a doctor is like doing 3 degrees at once, that much of commitment and hard work, it can't involve the rest of science as it has too much of it already.
The only reason I disregarded in becoming a researcher/lecturer/professor in physics was because, I could not really picture myself only sitting in a lab, sipping coffee while marking papers or collecting the data from computers and super machines as a life routine...

My peers, family and friends and "comrades" certainly know I am not the kind that stands still!...
Where is my heart telling me to go?


Perhaps someday, I'll treat you for ailment(hopefully not a chronic one or never need to treat u at all) . or
maybe, one day your grandchild will read of my discovery and curse me for coming up with such a theory and all those twisting forumalae.
But I will never know till then.

"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. "

~ Henry Miller~