Monday, 8 October 2007

This one's for you.....

It is October already, and the worlds biggest exam for me now, is so close that if i just strech my little finger, poof.... its here!

I kind of realise that not many people actually read my "shadowz and rainbowz", but nevermind, I feel good for just spilling some things here.

Not a single comment since i started this blog(sholud have stuck to my old one).

but, let me dedicate this one, one that is slightly more special than the others, to my love.

for he will always truly and deeply remain in my heart.....
in my dreams....whoever...wherever arrreee
to my dearest man from the heavens above
Well this is my first public address to you. I woke up yesterday to the song "truly, madly,deeply"....and dazzed of at 12pm after a very very long day to my ever favourite song "everything".
Did my E.Lit studying with "only hope" and darling,
you certainly drve me "high".

how nice if i could say , they were and still are our songs!?!!?
Being so far away from you has surely made my heart stronger, but made every other part of me limbs weaker? Everyday, I miss you even more. And I do wonder, if it will ever be us again, although "us" said it will , once you are done accomplishing your dreams. Were I not part of it? If you ever stumble upon this, and realise how much you really mean to me, and my every dreams, please let me know if I still mean that much to you.

I am not sure how much you need me already!

So dearest angel, above all the best things that have ever happened to me,
and always under all the drudgery I've been through,you've surely been one of the drives in me that keep me going, I'm here always.

dreaming away as evening star...........

Saturday, 25 August 2007

taKe a LoOk aRounD

"Does anybody really know the secret
And the combination for this life and where they keep it
Its kinda sad when you don't know the meaning"


all MI fans and limp bizkit fans would!

yes................the theme song...

and guess what
it does make a lot of sense don't you think so.

maybe for an emo kid (a lot)
haha[I am not saying that im the emo .. . . .]

but you know what inspires me to start writing blogs and journals and stuffz around!?

well.... all those around me
and lately, my friends have caused a great impact on them.

Ok credit also goes to my family, but nothing new to learn from there(maybe a little but not much)

They have inspired me(some of them), some have disgusted me while most of them have made me partly who I am today.

My definition of a friend is really thorough.
This year I clearly made a revelation in my tiny head on the similarities of a friend and an acquaintance.
A friend is an acquaintance, but not the other way around. And this brings to another relationship equation you see, a friend can be a trusted best friend but not the other way around(at least in my life,


and the best "function" of relationships,

best friends can be lovers but not best friends must be lovers

neither is it that lovers not equal to best friends..........

GET ME?!?!!?


psyched "mathematician " in the making!



here goes to all of you ,

my acquaintances, friends, best friends and lovers(lol --with an "s" ) and even the stranger in the park the other day..............................

Good luck in all your relationships.....................

MAy GoD blEss us aLL!!!


Sunday, 5 August 2007

Iru Vizhi Unadhu - Chords

Iru vizhi unadhu
Imaikalum unadhu
Kanavugal mattum
D................ G...
Enadhey enadhu
G................. Em ....C ...............D...
Naatkal neeluthey, ne yengo ponadhum
G............... Em...... C ...............D...
Yean dhandanai, nan ingey vazhvadhum
Am.......... G ....Am.......... G....
Orey nyabagam, orey nayabagam

D.... Am..C........... D..
O ho ho! Orey nyabagam
D ....Am..C ..............D..
O ho ho! Undhan nyabagam
Em............... C ..................Am............ C.....
Kadhal kayam nerum podhu thookam ingu edhu?
D.............. G ....Am.................. G...
Orey nyabagam, orey (orey) nyabagam.

Saturday, 4 August 2007

once in autumn in the 30th of february

On a valentines day
Hearts call
Beautiful as thou may,
Roses do fall

In between
the truth and the words that I want to say

In between
the only thing that stands in our way
the words that only perch in my lips,
but take flight
oh so easily.

In between
thy eyes and the truth that wrap me
till I breath no more.

You took my heart away,
along with my secrets and regrets,
for the words that I wanted to hear were just
everything that I’d want to
tear with eyes filled
not with pride but
with heart filled cherish.

Those words in between of me and you,
will never cease to exist,
for they are deep in my heart, my volition.

Thou don’t want to reach for me do you…
I mean nothing to you
Now I won’t be mistaken
because all that I ever wanted is for someone
to look for me too,

how deep my heart may long
I still will wait for you till the autumn of february the 30th …


Sunday, 17 June 2007

Beware of me during MY bad days!

You Are 33% Misanthropic

You're a little misanthropic - but who isn't? Your reactions to other people are pretty normal.
You enjoy being friendly with people you encounter, but if you're having a rough day, watch out!


You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight.
You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder.
Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily.
Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!


What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a very considerate person, but that doesn't mean you let people walk all over you.

You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style.

You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it.

In relationships, you tend to take care of your needs first. You can only be with someone who's as independent as you are.


Your Birth Month is January

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can.
Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you.

Your soul reflects: deep love, fascination with life, and a distinctive persona

Your gemstone: Garnet

Your flower: Snowdrop

Your colors: Black, dark red, and dark blue


Your Aura is Orange

You're a bit of a loner, but you're never lonely. You know how to entertain yourself.
Whether you're trying an extreme sport or a new weird food, you always live on the edge.

The purpose of your life: testing limits - both physical and mental... and then telling people about it.

Famous oranges include: Timothy Leary, David Blaine, Tony Hawk, Carey Hart

Careers for you to try: Snowboarder, Circus Performer, Undercover Agent

Born into to the star Capricorn

You are 60% Capricorn

miss DaredeVil!

You Are a Dare Devil

For you, life is one big dare.
And you're all in for any adventure.
Others find you exciting, inspiring, and a bit intimidating.
You're biggest challenge at this point is trying to top yourself!


Your Eyes Should Be Violet

Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure

What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion

What should I study? i can be free as a bird doing anything

Your Learning Style: Enthusiastic and Imaginative

You are always up for an intellectual challenge - in fact, hard subjects are actually easiest for you.

You Should Study:



You are a very abstract learner. You can grasp even the most complex theories.

You Should Study:

Computer Science
What Your Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Means
Your eating style is reserved. You are a bit of a fussy eater, and you have very specific ways you like your food prepared.

You have a total sweet tooth. When you can get away with it, you like to have dessert before dinner!

Your taste in food tends to be pretty flexible. You may crave sushi one night, and your favorite childhood recipe the next.

You are probably a fairly normal, upper middle class person. You don't rock the boat too often.

You are a tough person who isn't afraid to live life fully. There isn't a lot that scares you.

Precise and controlled, you can be a bit anal retentive when it comes to how you like things. You're definitely a perfectionist.

my say:

i can actually eat anything.hehe
but most of it is right.
i eat according to the conditions around---lost in a jungle wit a half dead monkey---i will !

cut throat gal....not so i think

You Are More Cutthroat Than You Think

Yes, you do have that killer instinct lurking in you.
And while you may not be actually cutting throats anytime soon...
You certainly don't mind clawing your way to the top.

giRly??? ermmm

You Are a Feminine Beauty!

You make any guy feel like a man, simply by standing next to him
You have a classic womanly appeal - and you've got a look for every occasion
This doesn't mean that you can't kick back in (designer) jeans and sneakers
You just prefer to be girly and sweet as often as possible

a leader?!?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

A lady with A modern minD..... too bad !

***You Are 48% Lady***

You're part lady, part modern woman.
Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.

Are You A Lady?

extrovert_CONSCIENCE_agreable_KINDA NEUROTIC_VERY open

Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."


You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.


You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.


You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

my "BluE"

You are Ocean Blue

You're both warm and practical. You're very driven, but you're also very well rounded.
You tend to see both sides to every issue, and people consider you a natural diplomat.

HoW reAl I am ?

You Are 89% Real

There's hardly a person on this earth more real than you are.
You have no problem showing people who you are, flaws and all.
For you, there couldn't be any other way. Because it's way too stressful to live an inauthentic life.
You're very comfortable with yourself. And because of this, you're able to live an exciting, interesting, and challenging life.

Saturday, 2 June 2007

Guilt, Regret, Acceptance, and cupid's arrow hits again!

2nd June 2006

Well here I go, my first blog here ...
Not sure whether I'm glad or sad to write this one, but guess it would be best to get it off my soul.
It has been exactly a year since the last time he said, "I"ll always be by your side, no matter what."
What a lie.

June 3rd 2006
Yes I remember that day, blurred out of my mind,but not wanting it to be out, a week after his dreams shattered and my love lost.

I will not deny that he was the "guy" that one would like....
But was it not me who wanted to end it, wanted to lose what ever it might have been.

I think I can never forget the tears that filled his eyes when I said its best that we were just friends. Honestly, I never knew a guy like him will take it that seriously.

I was busy with a major charitable project and I had not enough time for him, what more for myself.

I could hear the frustration in his voice during those long conversations almost every alternating nights. Those short rhymes he would make up and send me via text.

Why should I make him wait one day i thought!?

If he can be there for me , and I can't , where on earth is this relationship going to.

He would not eat, he was sloping in his studies, the biggest exam for him in any of our high school lives was nearing.
He was a year older than me, less wiser than me ,[ I always some how thought.]--vain me

And I was simply enjoying my sweet 16, while he was living in one of life's most bitter moments.

I was happily enjoying my life away, doing my stuffs, and somethings I would never forget and just wished I'd never done them. It hurt him, and I hurt my own feelings through it.

He was beginning to feel lonely .

I REGRET for not being there for him during those hard moments in life where his friends bailed out, although it was not at all his fault.

3rd June 06,
I cried by the phone after our 2 hour long call ended. I saw his number and really didn't want to answer. Then I said to myself, keep it short, and just be normal with him.

His sweet words ,I won't forget.
How deceived I was.

JUST A WEEK later,

HE was hooked up with another girl, a person he despised throughout his teenage years. She had cause many problems yet he was LOVING her.

I will not deny that the aura of love did surround us too, but , this new relationship of may say I was jealous, maybe I was a little green, but I still cared, you know.

I didn't make any contact for months with him.

His actions cut deep into my heart. many noticed.i gnored and pretanded as if I didn't care.

We did say that we would remain close friends, he was a good friend, I would say,
but she had her finger wrapped around him.
I did call him once or twice to wish him luck in his exams and all, but they weren't long.
And I had some sort of longing for something.

I WAS NOT OVER HIM YET.....................and he was...........although it was me who ended it.
I thought I could never get over him....
bumped into him a few times, and my heart would just start beating faster , like how it used to the first time I met him

My friends were there for me always, they some how tried putting these pictures of him being such a bad ex in my head, but it didn't work, guys....
Everyone tells me I should forget about him, he don't deserve me. They're right, he didn't deserve me, but I deserved him.

Then one night somewhere in December, I just gave him a ring.
I was watching GREY"S ANATOMY then, it was the episode where Meridith and Derek was in the lift together. Where he was ignoring her.

And then, i wanted to say something to him, longing so badly to .....

my heart yearning to............

at that instant, on TV MERIDITH: I miss you.... she says to Derek.

and I lose my grip on the phone........i start sobbing , again,

The line goes dead. He doesn't even bother to call back.
I couldn't stand it.
After a few hours of reflecting on what happened, I call my best friend, thank God he was home.

And I will never forget those words he said, and hope and pray every girl will have some realisation on it.

"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult
Life goes on." he said....with a long pause and a sigh....

it is what it is, it's not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is....Don't blame yourself for being the one to let him go first. It was destined so, if you didn't would you have known that he was such an arse to just be off so fast.... you might have loved him. but he lusted made the right choice....yourself knows you best, don't regret, don't feel unloved....cause there are many of us still by you loving you and caring for you....ACCEPTENCE is a big step to START something new and fix mistakes before....A lesson well learnt....keep that in mind

I'm not a person who falls in and out quickly in love, I learnt.

But how much about love do I really know. A wise man once said..... love is so pure and true, to really know it, its a reward by itself, but when you will know it, you will know its meant to be and there to stay....have hope...........
A great lesson.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are "It might have been" one might say, but,

think again....

what should have been then?

LIFE"S full of chances and risks....take them carefully, may it be love, your job or even deciding to end something.....its in our hands....and you know what is best for you...
but let me leave this burden here....and never look back, because I have moved on for sometime and found new HOPE in new eyes................maybe ... a brighter path....

Funny isn't it, how one can be strong if one really wants to.
Just 2 days ago I bumped into him....we smiled at each other... and my heart was beating at a normal rate of 78 i guess...

I've let him go. . . and cupids arrow has hit me again.True love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending. K. Knight