owh little caterpiller

So there it grew,
the strong cherry blossom tree,
springs pink delicate flowers,
the pure white ones occasionally...
Her fragrant , sweet,
like peaches, roses and no, not weed

She let a little caterpillar
endeavour her leaves,
crawled the little friend, and
made home in thee,
her green span of leaves
her pretty pink petals all free
she just let him in
and loved the caterpillar for who he was within...



Time came, the estranged one started spinning
threads of little silk around him
cacooned and disappeared within
the blossom rings

Autumn broke
the little cherry blossoms shred
how fragrant thee
signs of tear and despair ,
upon the missing caterpillar

He never nudged
did he?
It was a game of hide and seek
the little blossom tree
wanted to turn it around

A big part of her
vanished in her sight of what she was to see
All that remained were
her fallen petals
and leaves with holes
in every middle

Winter set in ,
she withered
came a few
to water and shade the now
unbecoming tree

Spring came
and on one fine morning,
a small opening appeared
on the cocoon of the little caterpillar
cherry blossom never saw this happen
for he struggled and crawled its way out
as a beautiful butterfly
and off he was
with its beautiful wings,
spanned
flying far away from the blossom tree.

Never seeming to look back,
but beared in his mind,
what she really meant to him
Only his little heart knew of  her heart so kind
Her love so true

Cherry blossom tree,
left with little leaves
no flowers to fragrant the free
but she grows
she will reach the sky
closer than anything
for maybe ,
the wonders of the sky so vast
will she see..

Details in the Fabric

It's peculiar , how we see the whole wide picture, of our lives , and the lives of others.
It's like a huge sheet of a meticulous piece of embroidery.
Spread for the world to see. Everyone sees the end product, but not many actually see the tiny details that made this piece of fabric.
In continuation of the last post, there will be a couple of posts left for this year ,and most of them will follow the series of the details in the fabric.


Where little nips and falling thread may not matter, cause in the end the fabric staying whole, shows it all.  Tears get stiched up, maybe not perfectly, but, it is whole again . =)

Details in the fabric ...

Left in the Dark

what did i ever not do enough for you ?i still play this song in my sleep and its cause i mean it. I meant it everytime i said i love you. i gave up many things for you, knowingly and with pure intentions. never was i ever fake to you. even at times of anger and when i couldnt control my temper... i regreted them!
i regretted them, hence i hurt myself for it.
someday, you will realise, that's why I'm letting you go . letting you off my mind as much as i can, so you will find your peace some how.
im sorry , if you were fed with lies and manipulation by all the other people...
i will stay true to myself, and I know what is right or wrong. and I know who you are and what you are not. With my confidence and trust in you that lines my heart, I know what is the best to do , not for just myself, but for both of us.
Loving someone, is also loving them for their worst and most horrid sides...
i accepted and embraced yours... maybe you are just not that grown up to take mine.
I hope some day ... may it be me, or anyone else... you will learn to love unconditionally.
so unconditional, that you won't be sorry for loving them...that you will never run from them... that you will stand by her side, no matter what... and a million people can hate you for loving her, but you still would, with all your heart and even more....
that's true love.
i have felt it . experienced it... hope you get the golden chance to , when it happens too...
Despite all the hurt anyone could had gone thru from what has happened... guess what, I'm barely in pain. I kept wondering why .
i tried finding reasons... but this is what i found :

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” Mother Teresa

[=
[ i gotta thank you, for letting me experience such a wonderful feeling! [ironically it is ]
if you want to hate me, go ahead
if you want to forget me, try
if you never ever want to hear or see me again, please tell me...
they are all your will and your choices....
i feel incredibly free now ! doing all of my hearts desire. spending the best and the most of time with dozens of people who have waited and loved me from a far for years.
cuci mata also here and there... hehe
we grew up too fast!
cause, i still think of you every time i get up from sleep, and every night, i still spend 15 mins or so reminiscing about you. its as if you died , but i very well know you're just some hundred miles away.
i want to keep all these memories...
cause who knows, in some future to come, our paths will cross...
we only have one soul mate each... and i will tell you confidently , we are each other's... maybe we were really good in a past life. or maybe we are meant to be in the heavens together someday... or maybe its all just not meant to be , for now only....
the future is for us to pave.
i miss you everyday, i dont care if that will boost your ego, or scare you away, but that's how i feel, and i have to let you know.
good luck always...
you will always be in my prayers and my thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=lrF814OnFQ4&NR=1

Pt 2 Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.

Having had always lived a motto, expect the worst and hope for the best..there came a point in my life about four months ago, when I let go of that principle. 

I should had never let my guard down then. 
A string of misery , continuously attacked me.

Having gone through so much since a simple age of twelve till now, adversity thought me to be strong and brave to face any or whatsoever challenge or obstruction that came by.

Things like that simply mould a little child in being headstrong. Headstrong is good they say, it gets us far and makes a brighter world for the people around us when it is all out of pure intention. 

Being headstrong with purpose, leads to determination. With a career being built, to the missions in my life.

Being determined though, could be catastrophic in some relationships.

I will not deny, I have done terrible things at times. But times a thousand of that, I have done many good things too. 

But the question is, will the efforts and courage , to do what is right, to stand up for one self, lead to good? What happens when the purpose in the end was out of good will, for oneself, and well being of the persons loved around, was taken wrongly?

These good intentions and acts of integrity can be easily broken, when the people whom we try to protect, retaliate against us .

And every purpose and direction intended, seem to dissolve away. There is no base to support on! Everything gets confusing. Life just SINKS into a deep  wide hole, and climbing out is almost impossible.


Right now,  thy strength isn't there yet. 

Five major incidents, bad ones have struck within two months.... 3 accidental, 1 , the time came, 1----the worst of all.... UNIMAGINABLY UNEXPLAINABLE!

I look up to the skies and ask again, something often asked many years ago, WHY ME? IS THIS ANOTHER ROUND OF TESTS, TRIALS AND TURBULATIONS FOR ME?

I look in the direction of the heavens above us, for a purpose to all this.
and I hope to gain the courage to face anything else ahead of me.

And I pray, my efforts all this while, were not to lose my purpose and direction. 

~aletha kavindra~

Pt 1 Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson



It has been ages since my last post.

This is a teaser... the  thoughts shall continue....