Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Which tunnel? The one behind, the one with the silver door, the one with golden gates or the calestial,star-decored arched entry????

"Never underestimate what you are about to do or what you are to face."

That is something that has slowly slipped off my mind lately.
Second day of Upper Six Mid Year exams was today. AND IT WAS A BOMB!First time have I ever equated it to such a term, no, a bomb is quite an understatement, it was like "little boy" that hit Hiroshima. CHEMISTRY--my favourite subject, I thought I would make a career out of it too.
Maybe I have to admit , I didn't really prepare well for it--for STPM standards that is :' (

My head aches terribly, too(for quite a number of days already--not the normal migraine or sinusitis throbbing) and I really shouldn't be staring at my desktop's screen and writing all this. Haha,what the heck with do's and don't s for today.

About a week ago, I had finally decided to pursue the "path much taken" --- MEDiCINE!
The old ambition. The old dream. The days of taking my mum's stethoscope and playing with my dad's stilt lamp.Its amusing to look at my "younger" self that always wanted to become a doctor. For a person who practically grew up in hospitals and clinics, baby sat by nurses,it is not queer to see such an outcome as a desire for a future.

There was even a time, I think I was 12, that I told the whole world " I want to be a pediatric ophthalmologist!"
So naive of me....because, nowadays I look at people who are overly ambitious in becoming neurosurgeons and physicians, and I tell myself ---Go get your MD or MBBS first!

Then, something turned it all around.... I was 15 and I got my hands on Dan Brown's Angels and Demons(i have a bad feeling the movie will not be as good as the book...), and "ta-dah", a sudden inspiration in becoming a phycisist. And all I saw myself was accelerating particles to almost light speeds....changing the world.

Hey, it was not just an impulse though. I had researched it well, contacted renowned scientists and this forum really helped The people there were really kind and gave really good advise. Made many good friends too.

So, I had or maybe still have a dream, a dream to create the "greenest" , renewable, free, abundant energy.... haha, sounds more ideal than any sci fi fiction.... but imagine, if we have this free, green gigantic amount of energy , will it not solve most of the world's problems....

Then, "earthly worlds" came into the picture too.. from a very young age, I was always fascinated by the stars and the cosmic.... so I had another fork on the road, if its physics till phD.... where to? material sciences? astrophysics? molecular physics????!
but...{yea, my favourite word -_- }the question was still:
~Phycisist or

the confusion has been going on since Form 4. Thank God I made up my mind in what Pre u programme I should do way before its due time of decision(STPM aka HSC Malaysia it became).

But I'm still at the biggest junction of my life:
-PHYSICS Major->Phd

And last Tuesday, I told everyone , it am to save lives...
I initially implied Medicine as my career to be... but then again... I'm having my millionth thought on it now!

Creating free energy and minimising energy loss or maybe even creating machines to travel in the speed of ligt could answer a lot of questions in humanity...and eventually save lives???

Watched History Channel's Universe series yesterday.... haha...Physics and I are like two old lovers "unattended" yet unforgettable to each other, where your heart just thrives for it again (wei, not like I know how that really feels....)
I was really thrilled watching that episode, on light as the speed limit to the universe {being exhausted from PA 2 paper and MATHS T paper 2 ,I knock off towards the last quarter of the show}

And once again, Physics as part of my future was back into the question. Sigh.{NOT AGAIN!!!!!}

I seriously do not know whether I should leave the rest of my life to a flip or a coin(heads for physics and tails for medcine)
but then there is this strong belief I have that follow your heart even when it is against all odds... and like wat Confucius once said :
"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.

Both are fields slightly in parallel , and both are something I really want to do.
Unfortunately, it is not like a double degree of Maths and physics or music and physics or even law and physics[all possible prospects of what I want and "can" be]... becoming a doctor is like doing 3 degrees at once, that much of commitment and hard work, it can't involve the rest of science as it has too much of it already.
The only reason I disregarded in becoming a researcher/lecturer/professor in physics was because, I could not really picture myself only sitting in a lab, sipping coffee while marking papers or collecting the data from computers and super machines as a life routine...

My peers, family and friends and "comrades" certainly know I am not the kind that stands still!...
Where is my heart telling me to go?

Perhaps someday, I'll treat you for ailment(hopefully not a chronic one or never need to treat u at all) . or
maybe, one day your grandchild will read of my discovery and curse me for coming up with such a theory and all those twisting forumalae.
But I will never know till then.

"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. "
~ Henry Miller~


~JoNamasoo~ said...

its hard isn't it?...
to choose between the two..
Its the same here...cos... one minute... ur head tells u medic... but after watching the Universe of channel 555... it just wont stop thinking abt physics...

angels and demons got u interested in particle physics too?... LOLX!...

Mun Yee said...

hey rmb me?haha stumbled upon your blog, decided to drop a msg. great blog! keep it up=)and tcare ya